Coolest Counter. Ever.

I Heart Sundays. And Hate Grocery Shopping

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on August 08, 2009.)

Sundays are a great day for brunch and a book. And after hectic Saturdays, I heart them.

I work Monday to Friday and I try to do all my errands and chores on Saturdays. Usually this means by 4:00 I'm a manic, exhausted, chain smoking hawt mess because I hate people who are out in public on Saturdays... most of the people... and really really really hate the ones that are out on Saturdays, murdering me one minute at a time in a line at a store. Ohhhh I know you know what I'm talking about. The dumbasses at the till, still shopping even though being in line at the till indicates you are finished doing what you need to do in the store, want to pay for your shit (so the bag boy doesn't body check you into the display at the front doors and have you arrested by mall security) and leave. Ya, those fuckers. I always end up in line behind them. Hate them. I hate them with a such a passionate rancor it makes me want to spew bile. It makes me a bad Buddhist, I know, I know. But surely even Buddha would get his robe in a knot if he had his life shaved off him while standing in line behind these assholes.

Another thing I can't stand about lines is people who ram their carts into me. Here's the thing about that... I have a fat ass. You can't miss it. Its flat but its fat and if you have eyes in your head, whoop, there it is. Therefore the "Sorry, didn't see you!" argument fails. Big. Epic. Fail. Pushing your cart into my fat ass will not get you and your groceries to the till, scanned, bagged, and out the door any faster. I do not possess a magic ass that, when a cart is inserted in it, unleashes the grocery store faeries who you imagine will poetically swoop down, check out your groceries and get you out the door, ahead of everyone else. No, its a very normal ass. Its an ass that functions in an exit-only manner so keep your dreams of anal grocery cart action and faeries to yourself. Please, just back up, chill out, and realize that we all have to stand here and wait our turn.

Now you know why I like to become one with the sofa or a chair on the deck on Sundays. The best way to get that started is a great breakfast.

MAKE
Menu:
Lower Fat Banana Muffins
Strawberry Lemonade
Gourmet Scrambled Eggs

LOWER FAT BANANA MUFFINS
Make these first so they are all lovely and warm when you are done making your lemonade and eggs. Feel free to add 2/3 cup dried fruit and/or a 1/2 of chopped nuts for added flavour and texture. And calories, but good calories. Not bad fast food death calories.

Ingredients:
1 1/4 c. all purpose flour
1/2 c. whole wheat flour
2 1/4 tsp. baking powder
2 1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2/3 c. sugar (I like to use Splenda's brown sugar)
2 egg whites (or 1 whole egg), beaten
3 tbsp. canola oil (extra virgin olive oil will work too)
3 tbsp. soy milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. allspice (you can use cinnamon and/or nutmeg too)
2 bananas, mashed
paper muffin cups
Pam olive oil spray

Method:
-preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
-combine all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl
-make a well and add wet ingredients
-mix by folding the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients; make sure you don't over mix as this will overwork the batter and you won't have all those lovely pockets of air the baking soda and powder create
-very lightly spray muffin tin with Pam
-line muffin tin with paper cups
-fill the cups between 1/2 and 3/4 full
-bake for 20 minutes
-do the sexy toothpick trick (insert, pull out... clean = done, wet = cook more, in 5 minute increments)

STRAWBERRY LEMONADE
The night before you make this recipe, hull and halve one cup of strawberries and put them in a sealed container in the freezer. These will double as a garnish as well as a fruity ice cube when you are putting the finishing touches on this drink.

Ingredients:
1 c. sugar or Splenda
1/2 c. water
2 c. fresh strawberries, washed, stemmed, and sliced
1 c. fresh lemon juice, strained (You can use the bottled juice but may have to adjust your sugar to compensate for the acidity)
24 oz. sparkling water (I've been known to use any of the following: San Pelligrino, Perrier, Club Soda.)
1 c. frozen strawberries, hulled and halved

Method:
-combine the sugar (or Splenda) and water in a saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until the sugar dissolves and the mixture becomes clear
-pour into a blender or food processor
-add the fresh strawberries and lemon juice and puree until evenly blended
-in a large pitcher, mix the puree with the sparkling water
-place frozen strawberries in glasses and pour the mixture over the frozen strawberries

GOURMET SCRAMBLED EGGS
There aren't any measurements to go with this recipe. The ingredient list is something that you can play with and adjust to your palate. Have all your ingredients ready because this recipe cooks fast.

Ingredients:
eggs
fresh spinach
fresh basil (you can use fresh oregano as well)
salt
pepper
shredded cheese or crumbled cheese (like feta)
salsa
low fat sour cream
Pam spray
silicon or rubber spatula

Method:
-chiffonade spinach and basil, set aside
-shred or crumble cheese, set aside
-beat eggs
-spray a non-stick pan with Pam to thinly coat the pan
-turn heat to medium
-add salt and pepper to eggs and beat well
-add eggs to heated pan and constantly folding and scrambling the eggs using the spatula; if you are using a rubber spatula, don't leave the spatula in the pan or it will melt
-add spinach and basil
-after about 30 - 45 seconds, turn off heat and continue to cook using residual heat
-add shredded cheese and fold into eggs
-plate and top with salsa and sour cream, if desired

THINK
Find out what you are afraid of and go live there. ~ Chuck Palahniuk (from Invisible Monsters

LISTEN
Jay-Z, Kanye, Rihanna - Run This Town (for Amy)
Lauryn Hill - Lose Yourself
Exploited - Maggie (BIG c-bomb warning... these guys hated Margaret Thatcher and what she did to the U.K. during her reign as the Iron Lady)

READ
Sun Tzu - The Art Of War

This book was written in the sixth century but contains tactics used in modern era warfare by the likes of Mao Zedong and General George Macarthur. That being said, this is not a manual on waging war. The Art Of War is less about war and more about outsmarting your opponents and adversaries, in an effort to avoid a physical and armed conflict via negotiation and strategy.

WATCH
The Story Of Stuff

This 22 minute video will open your eyes to how we consume.

VISIT
TWiT Live

Leo Laporte, the Tech Guy... he makes that technogoobledygock make sense to me.
GO GREEN
Use olive oil as furniture polish (this is for polished wood only):
-combine two parts olive oil with one part lemon juice in a bowl
-using a lint free cloth (micro fibre cloths work well), rub into the wood, following the direction of the grain of the wood

Interestingly Enough, Real Men Do Eat Quiche

This recipe was an experiment gone great.  Its super easy and four dozen were gone in under ten minutes.  For really.  I almost got trampled taking the picture!

CRUSTLESS MINI SHRIMP QUICHES

Makes 4 dozen.

This recipe is best cooked in silicon mini muffin trays.  The quiches will just pop out after they are done cooking.

Ingredients:
3 eggs, beaten
2/3 c. cream
24 tiger prawns or large shrimp, raw, shelled and deveined, and cut in quarters
1/4 c. red peppers, diced finely
1 green onion, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
EVOO spray

Method:
-preheat oven to 350 degrees C
-in a bowl, combine the beaten eggs with the cream; season with salt and pepper if desired
-in a separate bowl, combine the peppers and onion
-lightly spray silicon mini muffin trays with EVOO spray
-in each well, place two pieces of shrimp
-on top of the shrimp, place a small amount of the vegetable mix (roughly a half a teaspoon); pat down to cover bottom of well
-pour egg mixture over vegetables and shrimp being careful not to over flow the wells
-bake for 15 minutes or until quiches are cooked through
-serve immediately

Note:  My cousin dipped his quiches in salsa... he highly recommends it.  I had to say that.  I promised.  CHA-BOI

The Weekly Whaaaaa

I know.

At first you think, what the... and then you say to yourself, "It was a ladder and now its a bookshelf."  That's awesomesauce!

Dog Days Are Over

Ooo. My.  Zogg.  OooMyZogg.  I think I may have a new girl crush...



Florence + The Machine... bliss!  Where do I sign up to be a blue back up dancer?

My New Favourite Things

Here's one of the things that makes me a bad Buddhist... I get attached to my "things".  For instance, my new lululemon bag.  I just love it.  No, really, I LOOOOVE it.  The kind of love that warms my heart every time I look at it.  It makes me smile.  See, I am attached and I am a bad Buddhist.

While I was looking at my new bag this morning and smiling, I was also thinking about some of my other favourite things that I've acquired recently.  I do not receive any sort of compensation to promote these things so don't get all douchetruck "you have become a corporate whore"on me.  These are just things I love and in sharing with you, I hope you find them the awesomesauce too.

(Yes, these pics were taken on my bed so don't start criticizing the background, lighting and all that other stuff.  I was too lazy to care and quite frankly, I feel Sunday's were made for pj's and hiding under the duvet)

As I mentioned, I am currently having an affair with my new lululemon Fast In Flight Bag:

(my pic that does not do the bag justice)

(lulu's pic that i totally ripped off but did it with the best of intentions and much love does the bag justice and is very descriptive)

This bag is deep, it expands, it has room for a laptop, it is an amazing work tote for a girl who commutes and carries a purse, makeup bag, lunch kit, book, iPod, keys, transit pass, glasses, and lip gloss.  Never forget the lip gloss!  Lots of pockets, lots of room.  I  gush.  Uhhhhuhh, it is literally that good.  This is my fifth (I know!) lululemon bag and while they can be a bit on the pricey side, they are absolutely worth it; you get quality and design that makes every penny spent worth it.

I'm a girl with super fussy super sensitive combination skin that freaks out at something as simple as a change in the water being used to wash my face with (think about being on holidays or at the lake, city water versus well water).  I have tried cheap drugstore brand moisturizers, I have tried expensive shi-shi-poo-poo moisturizers that require a mortgage and a security guard to get out of the store.  This past summer, Neutrogena Moisture (oil free for sensitive skin in my case) was recommended to me and I fell in love with it:

I didn't break out when I started using it, the coverage is ah-may-zing, and I don't feel like I have been lubed up with canola oil when I put it on. It penetrates (behave) rather quickly and lasts all day. I use it in the morning and at night and can't recommend it enough! As far as moisturizers go, this is available in most drug stores and at some cosmetic counters and very very affordable.

Finding a cleanser has been equally difficult for me.  I was using a Garnier product (Nutritioniste Nutri-Pure Daily Exfoliating Gel Cleanser) that has either been discontinued or ostracized to the dark recesses of a far flung warehouse somewhere beyond my reach.  I do miss it.  But in its absence, I have been using Palmer's Skin Success Eventone Facial Milk foaming cleanser:

I'm not sure about the availability of this product, but if you are in Edmonton, Images & Shades (haaaay Sarah, you sexay chick) stocks this cleanser.  It is heaven in a bottle and it is retails for less than $10.00.  It gently cleans all the dirt off your face without stripping it off and making you feel like you have had a chemical peel.  Also, if you are like me and have naturally blotchy skin, or if you are a mixed chick, this cleanser evens out your skin tone without leaving you looking ashy.

How does one know they are being flung into the grips of domestication?  Two words: Tupperware party.  I went to one in the summer and found a water bottle that has currently ended/satisfied my quest for the perfect water bottle:

I will be honest, I only bought this bottle (and its purple sister) because it was on sale (two bottles were less than twenty bucks). Bad news about Tupperware is that its still insanely high priced. Good news is Tupperware has competition and you can find comparable items that don't require a sister to cough up an ovary for payment.

The drinking spout is a decent size:

And the bottom comes off and provides storage for a couple of keys or a handful of trail mix if you are out walking, condoms if you are on a road trip... whatever suits your needs and is only about 3/4 of an inch in height:

I love to read.  I love His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  His Holiness' wisdom is profound and while this book  is based in Buddhism, it contains some basic stories, lessons, advice, and adages for everyone.  Reading this book changed my life in some profound ways.

Candles.  They are my other weakness.  Purses/bags/wallets are my other one.  More often than not, candles require candle holders.  I have been on a search for a candle holder that isn't monster sized but that will keep the heat off the bottom of the holder so as to not warp the top of my ridiculously over priced cos its real wood dresser.  I was in Pier 1 last week and found this:

I'll admit, Pier 1 is a store that surprised me.  For years, I avoided the place because it looks expensive.  Admittedly, some of their merchandise is out of my league but I have been lucky enough to find items within budget (hey, I'm not cheap, I'm frugal and always looking for a deal).  This candle holder was less than $15.00 but the cutest ladybug measuring spoons ever won't ever be coming home with me.  All that being said, when they have a sale they HAVE A SALE.

Not all highlighters are made equal.  Zebra has outdone themselves:

Now, I'm an office supply snob.  Don't blame me.  Blame my employer.  I have administrated/controlled/judicated the corporate tender for almost six years now and I order for the corporate office as well as the local branch.  Many highlighters have come and gone.  Some visit as samples, some stay and get used daily.  But Zebra, you got it right with these babies!

I have found the perfect tweezers for eyebrows.  Titania's needle nose tweezers are here and they are divine:

Look at the tips on these babies:

If you are a gorilla like me, brow tweezing just got a whole lot easier.  These lovelies are under $10.00 and available at Images & Shades here in Edmonton.

I like eclectic things, strange and weird things, like me.  Someone gave me this funky blue giraffe bangle which I heart...

... but the best thing I've found, aside from my new lululemon bag is this ring by Christophe Poly of Crono Design:

Christophe Poly uses things like recycled aluminum to create unique architectural pieces in his studio in Montreal.  If you are in Edmonton, get thee to Lyndale Accents and behold the beauty not only of Poly's work but all the lovely and unique home accents, jewelry, and gifty type things.  Its worth the trip, I promise.

The Weekly Whaaaaa

Oh I'm sooooo team Harry. Is it November yet?

(click to enlarge and read font if you are aged and blind like moi)

Does My Ass Look Like A Friendwhore In This?

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on February 18, 2010.)

Look around; they’ve [consumers] taken great American literature and turned it into Twitter. – Kelly Cutrone

I don’t Foursquare, Twitter or Facebook.

I used to Facebook but got sick and tired of the narcissistic bullshit that permeates it. Here’s other reasons why I deleted my account (at least I think its deleted… you never know what that pack of bastards is up to or concealing):

-The idea that anything I post to Facebook instantly becomes Facebook’s property is frightening. They now have pictures of me and information on me that can be used against me on the Internet. And I have no recourse because I agreed to their terms of use, which they tend to change A LOT, and I agreed to follow their stupid rules… the ones I signed up with and the ones they have changed or added. Visa and MasterCard already own my soul, now that pile of dung that runs the show over there can use my second grade class picture against me. In my defense, it was the 70’s and my ringlets were an attempt to disguise a bad hair cut.

-Friendwhores. Get over yourselves. You wouldn’t walk across the street to take a piss on me, even if I had been on fire, in high school and now you are sending me private messages wondering if we can add each other and hang out when you come to the “big city”? For really? Let’s you and I get something straight, OK? I wanted to light your hair on fire in high school for being one of those five bitches who dragged me around the school, both levels, and then picked me up, carried me down a hall, and threw (yes threw) me at Darren Nimchuk’s feet when you found out I had a crush on him. I bet you forgot about that, huh. I didn’t. For two years, every time I saw him or one of his friends, I wanted to die. Literally. Like go Peden Hill and throw myself in front of an oncoming logging truck. You and your bitch friends took time out of your day for four years to mock me, set me up for rejection, reduce me in every way conceivable, and now you want to be friends and hang out? Fuck off is too good for you darling.

-Spam. I have had to abandon the email account associated with my Facebook account. It gets flooded with stupid requests to join inane Facebook groups and I have seen just about every email in existence that has anything to do with the sale of little blue pills, member enlargement, inheritance collection in Nigeria, and watches. What is it with watch spam? Is there really that big of a black market for Timex’s?

-Being stalked by THAT aunt. And the rest of my family. When the hell did anyone other than my cousins start Facebooking? I definitely knew it was time to get the hell out of dodge when THAT aunt tried to add me. The last thing I need is for her to be calling everyone I’m related to and telling them that my new status is “His and Her’s KY jelly rawked my weekend”. True story and no I will not be discussing it any further. Not here, not privately. I over-shared, as one tends to do on Facebook and Twitter and now my step granmonster knows I’m a KY fan.

-Being stalked by THAT co-worker. I don’t need her calling all the branches and every division and each department telling them I had a KY weekend either. She’s got a big mouth and if you think I over-shared, in the name of narcissism and competition, she will not be outdone and will retell the story every chance she gets, using some escapade involving her psycho husband. And the gym. And the dog. And tightwad Tuesdays. I stop listening when she explains what THAT is. I already know that her step daughter’s nipples point upwards and that her husband likes to stick his dick between her legs (THAT co-worker, not the step daughter... come on, they are born again Christians and so not into that) when she’s sleeping. Ya, she’s like that. Really really.

But the number one reason why I can’t stand these social networking services is that I just don’t care. I don’t care that you took a shit this morning and it felt like it was leaving you sideways. I don’t care that you just posted another set of 200 pictures trying to convince me that your weekend was better than mine. I don’t care that you have over 600 friends because I know it is simply not true.

Honey, allow me to be honest with you, you are lucky if you have 6 real friends.

True story.

Magic Mushrooms

Noooo, not that kind of magic mushroom!


What is magic about these is that they seem to vanish as soon as you put them down in front of guests.  I barely had a chance to photograph these ones.  This is easily one of the quickest and easiest appetizers I have ever made.  Even the anti-spinach types gobble them up.


A hint about serving appetizers... if you are serving a meal afterwards, aim for 3 - 5 pieces per guest.  If you are not serving a meal, aim for 5 - 9 per guest.  Of course, you will want to keep in mind the crowd you are serving and what their appetites are like but its been my experience that these numbers are pretty good when planning how much to make.


STUFFED MUSHROOMS WITH SPINACH

Makes 3 - 4 dozen.


Ingredients:
1 - 120 pkg of Stove Top stuffing (knock-off brands work too)
30-40 fresh mushrooms about 1 1/2 inches in diameter
1 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
2 c. fresh spinach, chopped (you can also use 1 - 300 g pkg of the frozen stuff but thaw and drain it first)
3/4 c. mozzarella cheese, shredded
3/4 c. Parmesan cheese, grated


Method:
-preheat oven to 400
-mix the stuffing as per the manufacturer's directions and set aside, covered
-mix the chopped spinach into the stuffing; this will wilt the spinach
-clean mushrooms by brushing off all dirt and grit; if you must wash the mushrooms ensure they are dry before stuffing them
-remove stems from mushrooms, dice them, and set aside
-heat olive oil in a skillet
-add garlic and mushroom stems and cook until tender
-add garlic, mushrooms, and cheeses to the stuffing and mix well
-using a teaspoon, spoon the stuffing mixture into the caps, filling them entirely
-place in a shallow baking pan or on a foil lined cookie sheet
-bake for 20 minutes or until the mushrooms are tender


Nutritional information will be posted at a later date.  It's 11.00 and I jogged today.  Ya, I'm calling in dead tomorrow ;)

Isn't It Ironic, Dontcha Think

Every once in a while I get active and go walking on a trail near my house.  Tonight I even, brace yourselves, jogged on it.  It is called the Life Trail...

Pretty, non?  Comes complete with stretching stations and some outdoor work out machines...

But every once in a while, life oozes irony and you can't help but laugh...

Don't see it?  Look carefully past the dancer... ya, that's right... the Life Trail backs onto a grave yard. 

Now, that, Alanis, is irony.

The Weekly Whaaaaa

Guess who's coming to dinner...

Wow. Jeffree Star, you are FIERCE! I. Die. Literally.

There's something for everyone: ice cream cones, cupcakes, Jon Benet, Kurt Cobain, Wednesday Addams, spandex, driving gloves, and total shoe envy.

But honey, leave the LV at home. It's so Hello Kitty, non?

Yes, It Is Still A Greek Salad If It Doesn't Have Feta On It

Ever had one of those situations where you think you have everything together, you are pretty sure that you have everything you need and then you get just about as away far away from the market as you can get, and realize, feck, I forgot the feta?

Welcome to my world!  I tried to remind myself, that when approaching this situation from a place of "yes" that the fat and sodium content of the recipe would be reduced, serving my heart well.  My heart said I better not forget the feta next time!

GREEK SALAD

Makes two meal sized salads or four side salads.

Ingredients:
6 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
3 tbsp. lemon juice
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/2 tsp. pepper, freshly ground
3 tomatoes, cut into wedges
1/4 red onion, diced
1/2 English cucumber, cut into half moons
1 green pepper, jul1enned
1 red pepper, julienned
21 Kalamata olives
1/4 c. feta cheese, crumbled

Method:
-place the olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano, thyme, sea salt, and pepper into a container with a lid that has a tight seal

-shake to combine

-place the tomatoes, red onion, cucumber, green pepper, red pepper, and olives in a large bowl
-toss to combine
-just before serving, shake dressing again and pour over the vegetable mixture
-gently toss to combine
-sprinkle with cheese and serve

Nutritional information (click to enlarge):

There are many version of the Greek salad, some including romaine lettuce.  You can use the above recipe and serve it on about one cup of thoroughly washed and dried romaine that has been torn into bite sized pieces.

I've also seen Greek salads with a sliced chicken breast, shrimp, and shredded beef on them.  For the purists, this is a huge no no but I say its a lovely way to get some added protein and you should eat it that way if you want.  In my kitchen, you won't be graded if you swear it was done souvlaki style;)

A Warning

A person that goes by the name Vikrant Singh, has the Yahoo messenger I.D. ursvikrantsingh, and who claims to be affiliated with PRWeb and the Cosmo 411 site threatened to steal my content today.

So if you happen to see that he's copy and pasted my content, as he threatened to do, give me a shout.

Like I said Vik, I don't ever claim to be Shakespeare and I don't do it for the money.  Shame on you for thinking you can steal people's content and intellectual property and make a buck off it.

Pathetic.

PS: Just so you know, I have a copy of that conversation saved in a safe place.  Hustle a hustler?? Please son, sit down.

The Weekly Whaaaaa

Goth meets stripper shoe...

I could rawk it on Casual Friday.  Yes, I totally could.