Club 40 At The Cactus Club Cafe

A few weeks ago I reached a major milestone.  Club 40.  Believe me, no on is more surprised about it than me.

Allegedly, there was a surprise party planned.  I call bullshit.  I hate surprise parties.  Hate them.  Like the kind of hate reserved for your most loathed enemy hate.  If you know anything about me, if you have any shred of compassion for me, you will NEVER throw me a surprise ANYTHING.  They never work out.  Never.  Inevitably, you have to pretend you are happy to be there and happy you were surprised.  You end up shaking hands and hugging people you cannot stand the sight of but they are there because the organizers thought their attendance was a good idea.  There will be activities that make you want to stab your eyes out or that make full grown men kick the shit out of each other because someone does not know the rules or cannot keep score/count while drinking warm beer.  Food that passes for a dog's lunch will be served.  The music will be provided by someone who has a hard on for 90's boy bands and American Idol and you will eventually want to give your ears the ol' Van Gogh just to make the noise stop.

Those are just some of the issues you face at one of these things.  And if you don't squeeeeee and give it some jumpy claps, you will be labeled an ungrateful bitch by the organizers.  No thanks, not ever.

Thanks, but I'll take my pain in other places.  Do not organize a surprise anything for me and I will not dropkick you in the crotch after a good old fashioned curb stomping.  Deal?  I am not usually prone to violence, but this surprise party business could potentially cause me to lose what is left of my sense of rational and cut a bitch wide open.  Failing that, remember, I like to be creative when plotting vengeance.  Oh, I can bring the wrath, bitches.

One ought to be able to do their favorite things on their birthday.  And this year, I did exactly that...eating, geeking, and humping.

In an effort to be low key and still have a bit of fun, Mr. I.T. took me to the Cactus Club Cafe at West Edmonton Mall.

Oh yum.  Oh my effing yummy yum.  If you have not yet been, you have to go.  Rob Feenie, Canada's only Iron Chef, has created a menu that is splentastic.

I had the blackened creole chicken with mashed potatoes and asparagus.  Seriously, this has to be some of the best chicken I have ever eaten...

The portion of chicken was HUGE.  I gave Mr. I.T. about a quarter of it because I could not finish it.  Neither of us could finish the mashed potatoes because I am sure the kitchen was mistaken and sent out an order for five on my one plate.  The asparagus was done to perfection and if you are going to eat chicken at the Cactus Club, throw yourself at this!

Mr. I.T. had the garden burger with a side seasonal greens salad.  When he ordered it, I had my reservations.  Mostly because when you order a vegetarian burger, you are usually served an oat-laden piece of cardboard with red pepper accents, but also because Mr. I.T. is an impossibly fussy eater.  IMPOSSIBLY fussy.  When this came...

... I had a wee taste.  If you had not told me the burger was vegetarian, I would have swore it was beef.  The patty had substance, it was juicy and well seasoned.  The entire burger looked like a real burger...

... not one of those alfalfa sprout laden, tofurky wearing veggie burgers you are used to seeing.  And can we just have a moment to celebrate the salad?  Spinach, romaine, that stuff that looks like dandelions, a vinaigrette to die for, and shaved carrots and beets being chased around by slivers of almonds.  It was the first but not the last orgasm of the night.

When you go, make sure you make a reservation.  We went on a Wednesday night at 5.00 and were out of there by 6.10.  When we left, there was a line up out the door and half down the block.

Much later, in an effort to remind me how important creativity is, how important it is to expand one's mind, how I need to be doing the things I love to do, Mr. I.T. parked me here and here.  Thank you for reminding me about me and how I am my best natural resource.  He is, admittedly, not the most romantic man on the face of the planet, but that had to be the best gift a person could give me.

I would tell you about the humping but Mr. I.T. and I have an public embargo on that.  If I had not been strictly forbidden, I would tell you that, when later discussing some of the judgey bitches at The Office, he reminded me that interracial couples are sexy and people would be searching for us on porn before them.  Allegedly.

*Note*  All photos used in this post are not even a little bit mine.  Totally hijacked from the Internet.  Because I forgot my camera.  Which is uber not cool when one wants to blog about what they ate.  Am.  Blonde.

I Should Have Packed A Lunch

The Lunchbox Diner.

(picture totally ripped off from Google Maps, street view)

I really really really wanted to love this place.  It is within walking distance to The Office (14413 115 Avenue) and I imagined myself power walking down there, grabbing my order to go and power walking back to the office.  I am pretty sure this is not ever going to happen.

Outside, this place has all the appeal a quirky diner should have.  Inside, it has all the disappointment a foodie's heart can hold.  Seriously, this place could use a Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmare makeover... so much potential being wasted.

This diner is in a very unique spot (there is zero competition for blocks and blocks and blocks), but is wasting that potential by being caught in a time warp.  Or maybe time just stood still there.  Its hard to take a place seriously when the booths are in an eggplant vinyl.

Now, before you think I have thrown this place under the #121 bus that goes by it, relax.  I can say that the place is clean and the service is fast.  This, however, may be due to the fact that there were only four other people in the place and they had already been served.

Ratings:
Appearance: Clean but timeworn.
Service: Fast and friendly.
Food: Dated. Disappointed, 4/10
Overall rating: Will not be back.

Daily Special: Chicken fingers with fries and salad (9.50 + tax):
To be honest, the chicken fingers were the same chicken fingers that you get in every restaurant, even the specialty Mexican restaurants that get pissed off that you will not eat a taco but still want your business so they have them on the menu.  I have seen them served at Thai places too.  For really.  And to me, that is ten degrees of wrong but we can talk about that another time.  You cannot polish a turd and you cannot do anything sexy with chicken fingers.  That is legal.  Or morally acceptable.

The surprising highlight were the fries that had been seasoned perfectly with Lawry's seasoning salt, which I like but my partner in crime that day behaved as though someone had shit on her plate.

The most disappointing thing of all was the salad.  I opened the container up and was uber excited because, at first glance, it looked all fresh and full of yummy goodness.  Sadly, it was dying.  The meal was a take away and the cook had drowned the salad in dressing and only the parts that weren't drenched in ranch dressing survived.  Also, when one makes and/or serves a salad, the pieces should be bite sized, not a third of the romaine leaf.  Home Economics, eighth grade, just sayin'.

To be honest, it was a whole lot of meh and that makes me sad because this place has the potential to have lineups out the door and down the parking lot.  Which, perhaps, in its day, it did.

Ironically, a co-worker commented, "The Lunchbox?  Oh I haven't been there in fifteen years."  Do not worry your heart out.  Not a thing about the place has changed.

She Ain't Pretty, She Just Looks That Way

I am on a quest.

I am chasing food in Edmonton.

I am looking for local restaurants that are the best kept secrets Edmonton has to offer.  You can keep your Olive Garden's and your Keg's.  After the lobster I had while cruising a lagoon in Cancun, Red Lobster can bite me.

I am looking for that little hole in the wall that everyone in the neighbourhood raves about.  Your suggestions are not only welcome, they will be tried and tested.

Yesterday, it was lunch at Bucas and Pastas in the West End.  If you can find the West Division police detachment, you will be directly across the street from Bucas.

You can find their site, complete with menu, here.

The restaurant itself is located in a strip mall and it has about 10 tables, if you are interested in staying for your meal. I would suggest getting there early as the seating looks a bit cramped; we were there around 12:30, which in Edmonton is prime lunch time, and all the tables were full and there was a long line at the counter.

Do yourself a favour and study the menu.  Pour over it before you get there.  Make sure you know EXACTLY what you want when you get to the counter. There's a bit of a Soup Nazi vibe from the staff, especially Mumma working the line; she wants to keep things moving and the sooner you pay, the sooner she can make money off someone else. I can respect that, but it is best if you know what sauce you want or she will decide for you.

The daily lunch special (which comes in at a very reasonable $8.95) was chicken and prosciutto cannelloni with your choice of salad; I went with the creamy dill:

Forgive the pictures.  The cam on my phone sucks a bag of you know whats.  And lunch was a take away, so the food had been slapped in containers and tossed about on the way back to the office.

Believe me, it tasted miles better than it looks.

Ratings:
Appearance:  Clean and quaint.
Service:  Be ready or be roughed up a little.  Things go fast so be prepared.
Food:  Home cooked Italian. Very good, 7.5/10
Overall rating: Will be back.

Chicken and prosciutto cannelloni:
I'm not entirely sure my cannelloni had prosciutto in it.  I was definitely missing the saltiness that comes from that kind of ham and I found the filling lacking somewhat in seasoning but it was hearty and combined well with the pomodoro sauce.  The pasta was done perfectly and just the right amount of cheese was baked on.  It was a bit messy to eat, mostly because it was in a take away container, but the small sized portion was the perfect amount of pasta for a lunch.  Overall, 7/10.

Creamy dill salad:
I could very easily become friends with this salad.  I would have preferred more dill and less carrots but that is a personal preference and not a knock against the salad itself.  If you are a fan of salads that do not contain lettuce, this is a safe and yummy choice; it was simply cauliflower, broccoli, red peppers, carrots, and creamy dill dressing.  Overall, 8/10.

I did not have dessert as it was lunch and I do not usually have dessert with lunch.  That being said, next time, I will have death by chocolate!

Touchdown Jesus

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on November 15, 2009)

I have a friend named Mark. Mark loves football. And he loves hockey even though he hasn’t watched a game since he left Philly. Please don't hate him. He's stuck in Ohio. He's learning about bad choices as we speak ;)

Back to football. I understand that Americans tend to be fanatical about the sport. Just think back to when Janet Jackson’s teet threatened to ruin the game and American morality. Yes, friends, a nipple covered in metal revealed at half time at the Super Bowl almost brought a nation to its knees and worse yet, threatened to tarnish the game of football forever.

I don’t get it. Both the tit thing and football. Honestly people, it was a boobie. In a country that has such a predilection for all things pornographic, how can Miss Janet’s breast be a sign of the end of times? As for football, the North American version of it is hardly about feet, and what the hell is up with the ball? European football, that’s football. Got foot, got ball, got game. But the helmets, the spandex, the ball that looks like it’s been hiding in the tight end’s arse… really? Hell, if football were played on ice, wearing skates, I might become remotely interested in it. Alas, they don't and so I am left to wonder about many facets of this game.

Mark and I were talking sports. He was reminding me the Oilers are in trouble and I was reminding him he’s dangerously close to the Bible Belt and football fanatics who must be shitting themselves after an episode of Glee used Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” to help the football team to victory.

Mark then unloaded football’s savior on me. Literally. Let me introduce you to the University of Notre Dame’s Touchdown Jesus…

Fantastic, isn’t it? It’s really something else, non? I have spent most of my morning pondering TDJ. The unabated size of it is amazing. Sure, TDJ is actually a mural called “The Word of Life” by Millard Sheets, and the mural is actually part of the Hesburgh Library located adjacent to the stadium the Fighting Irish play in but it reads more like "God is on our side. We have divine intervention.” Or even more bizarre, note that TDJ looks like he’s got his arms up like a football ref in a “touchdown, it’s good” position.

I wonder what Jesus would look like if he traded in the halo for a helmet , traded the sandals for cleats, and got rid of the hippy toga gear and donned some spandex. Okay, so he'd look like just about any other football player but you can bet Mark's ass that his touch down dances would be extraordinary.

MAKE

Menu:

Edemame Beans

Cranraisin Salad With Citrus Peppercorn Vinaigrette

Chocopudd Mousse

EDEMAME BEANS

I buy the frozen version of these because I have yet to find them raw. Follow the directions on the label to cook. When done cooking, quickly toss in a lemon pepper with a dash of salt and serve immediately. Remember, the pods are not edible so remind the people you are eating with to suck or pick the beans out of the pods and eat the beans only.

CRANRAISIN SALAD WITH CITRUS PEPPERCORN VINAIGRETTE

You can use any vinaigrette for this salad, however the best I have had so far has to be the citrus peppercorn vinaigrette from Blue Kettle Specialty Foods. I first found Blue Kettle at the St. Albert farmer's market and it is well worth the trip to find their stall at the market if you live in the greater Edmonton area. Blue Kettle also retails in some locations... check out their "Where To Find Us" section on their site. Their products can be a bit on the pricey side but I assure you, it is worth it!

6c. Romain lettuce, washed and torn into bit sized pieces

1 c. broccoli florets, cut into bit sized pieces

1 c. celery, sliced

1 1/2 c. cucumber, halved and sliced

1/2 red onion, sliced

1 mango, diced (use 1 can if fresh mangoes are not available)

1/3 c. sunflower seeds, shelled

1/2 c. cran raisins

citrus peppercorn dressing, to taste

shredded cheese (preferably marbled cheddar)

-put Romain lettuce in serving bowl

-mix broccoli, celery, cucumber, red onion and put on top of lettuce

-add diced mangoes, sunflower seeds and cranraisins on top of vegetable mixture

-coat salad with dressing as desired

-top with shredded cheese, if desired

-note: add cooked and diced chicken for extra protein

CHOCOPUD MOUSSE

6 pre-made Jello chocolate pudding snacks, chilled

1-8 oz container Cool whip

-empty pudding into mixing bowl

-slowly fold in the cool whip

-scoop into serving bowls and chill for 20 minutes

-you can top these with chocolate shavings or marachino cherries if desired

-note: you can use the "sugar free" version of pudding and the "lite" version of cool whip to reduce calories

THINK

We're all fucked. It helps to remember that. - George Carlin

LISTEN
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Social Code - Satisfied
Stiff Little Fingers - Suspect Device

READ
JPod by Douglas Coupland

If you work on a cube farm, under fluorescent lights, for The Man, you will get it. I found myself literally laughing out loud at some parts.

WATCH
What are you doing Wednesday nights? You're watching Glee, right? If you aren't watching Glee, what the hell is the matter with you? The lip synching may be craptastic but Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester is genius! Oh and let us not forget Puck... mmmm I likes me some Puck.

VISIT
Bubble Coral... who knew??

GO GREEN
Go here to read about quick and easy ways to make your office/workspace greener.

Armageddon Is On The Way And She's Wearing A Pencil Skirt

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on June 06, 2010.  Reposting this particular blog was inspired by the lovely Brittany and her amazing and honest sense of self.  Good or bad.  And that's where I'm at too.  I struggle daily but this is who I am and if you can't accept that, go hang with that bitch Maura.)


Clearly, I have lost my mind.


I'm not a tomboy but I'm not particularly girly either and I have lived in a skirt free world for 99% of my life.

The last time I wore a skirt was in high school, circa 1985, complete with black leggings. A friend gave the skirt to me but another girl accused me of stealing it from her and the drama that lasted for about three months scarred me for life. Or most of it.  Prior to that, the last time may have been elementary school graduation.

Skirts are not my friend. They are not cankle friendly and when you have legs on you like tree trunks that are being shaped into legs for a piano, skirts are the enemy.  Especially mini skirts, which have ruled the world for most of my life. Couple that with my fear of falling flat on my arse, legs up in the air, and skirt around my hips and you have my skirt free world.  I’m a total klutz and shit happens all the time, including this weekend when I stubbed/broke my baby toe on my right foot, bending over to pick up a water bottle. Ya, it's like that.

Dresses have done better in my adult world… last year’s corporate Christmas party, weddings, and my college graduation. Prior to that, the last time I had worn a dress when I was seven.

To receive first communion.

Oh ya kids, I used to be Catholic. I know.

I had a wedding to go to in May. A skirt whispered to me in the store when I was shopping for something to wear to the wedding. I took it home with me.

Yes, I paid for it first.

I went shopping the next day at lunch. Three skirts whispered at me but only one was lucky enough to come home with me.

I went shopping last week with Sue... again a skirt was in the mix.

I've been wearing them too. In public. Bare legs, cankles, and all. I know!  I figure, to hell with it. This is the body I live in, these are my legs and ankles and if you don't like it, well quite frankly I don't care. No really, I do not care. I'm entirely altogether over what the world thinks of my less than perfect body. Look, don't look, mock, don't mock.  Whatev's.

This is me, this is who I am, this is me in a skirt.

Ya, I’m pretty sure that the world is going to cave in on itself.


MENU
Cheese On The Outside Calzone
Broccoli Raisin Salad
Fruit Parfait Two Ways


CHEESE ON THE OUTSIDE CALZONE

Serves four.


(I use a pre-made pizza crust for this recipe to reduce the prep time.)


Ingredients:
1 – Pillsbury pizza crust
¼ c. pizza sauce
4 oz. chicken breast, cooked and diced
¼ c. green pepper, diced
¼ c. onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
12 kalamata olives, pitted and sliced
½ c. fresh mushrooms, stems removed, sliced
1/8 tsp each dried oregano, basil, and thyme
1 c. shredded cheese of your choice (try Kraft’s Four Cheese Italiano Shredded Cheese or Kraft’s Tex Mex blend… or ½ cup of each combined)
1 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil


Method:
-cook chicken breast and set aside
-when chicken is cool to the touch, dice into cubes
-preheat oven to 400
-on a greased cookie sheet (I use Pam’s olive oil spray), roll out pizza crust
-spread pizza sauce over crust leaving about 2 inches around the edges bare
-in a bowl, combine chicken breast, peppers, onion, garlic, olives, mushrooms and spices
-spread mixture onto the middle of the pizza crust like a log, leaving 2 inches between the log and the end of the crust (see the pic below that I totally ripped off the Internet, showing you the basic idea... I was too rushy rush rush to take a pic while I was in the middle of cooking)

-if you prefer the cheese inside the calzone, sprinkle it on top of the mixture now

-flip bottom part of crust over the filling until the bottom edge is even with the top edge of the crust

-pinch edges forming a half moon shape (again, another pic that I stole from the net to show you what I'm blathering away about)

-using a knife cut four small slits in the top of the calzone

-brush with olive oil

-put in the oven for 15minutes

-remove from oven and sprinkle with cheese if you have not already

-return to oven until cheese is browned and bubbling

-remove from oven and slice into four sections; serve while hot

Click here for printable recipe.

BROCCOLI RAISIN SALAD

Serves four as a side dish.

Salad Ingredients:

1 ½ c. broccoli florets

¾ c. sunflower seeds, shelled

1 c. golden raisins

½ medium red onion, diced

1 c. shredded marbled cheese

Dressing Ingredients:

1 c. Kraft Fat Free Miracle Whip

3 tbsp. apple cider vinegar

¼ c. sugar

Method:

-mix together broccoli, sunflower seeds, raisins, and red onion and set aside

-prepare dressing and pour on salad to coat as desired

-sprinkle with shredded cheese and serve

Click here for printable recipe.

FRUIT PARFAIT TWO WAYS

Banana Cream Parfait (Serves Two):

Ingredients:

1 package Jello Cook and Serve banana cream pudding mix

3 c. milk

1 c. strawberries, sliced

1 c.blackberries

Method:

-prepare pudding as per manufacturer’s directions

-set aside in fridge for one hour to cool

-when pudding is cooled, put in a parfait glass layering strawberries then pudding and then blackberries

-alternate until glass is almost full and top with fresh fruit

Pistachio Parfait (Serves Two):

Ingredients:

1 package Jello pistachio instant pudding mix

2 c. milk

1 c. strawberries, sliced

1 c. blackberries

Method:

-prepare pudding as per manufacturer’s directions

-set aside in fridge for one hour to cool

-when pudding is cooled, put in a parfait glass layering strawberries then blackberries then pudding

-alternate until glass is almost full and top with fresh fruit

Click here for printable recipe.