So Lady Gaga Was In Edmonton...

...and The Gaga or someone in her crew took this pic and posted it La Ga's Twitter account...

Uh huh.  Fecking awesome.  I love that my lady crush has a sense of humour.

City council sure could use one.  Especially the mayor of Oil Cuntry.

Oh and *Mayor* Mandel, enough with the epic drama queen I'm all offended hissy fit "poor taste" act that you specialize in when pandering to the mini van majority.  As a matter of fact, why don't you STFD and STFU while you re-evaluate your actions and the perks you've enjoyed while being the mayor of Edmonton?

I'm sorry, a bit louder for the kids at home, what's that about alleged private back room off the record meetings with hockey franchise owners that allegedly involves kick backs and spending my tax dollars without me really knowing about it so the two of you can build a hockey arena, hotel, parking, and shopping complex in the downtown core and die years later gagging on twenties?  Ya, you betta recognize.

Dood, I'm actually surprised you aren't more familiar with the C-bomb.  One could speculate that you hear it being said to you several times a day.

Just sayin'.

Paranormal Whaaaa??

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on October 24, 2009.)

I’ve been desensitized.

That’s the only answer I can give at this point.

What was the question? It may have gone something like, why did you laugh all the way through a movie that is being touted as one of the scariest pieces of cinema ever? Definitively, it was the ghetto-tastic crew of fourteen year olds sitting down front. But you can’t rule out the big baby powder chicken foot prints either.

Beware of the hype surrounding Paranormal Activity. I totally bought into it. I was so close to puking before the movie that I could literally taste stomach acid on the back of my tongue. I’ll be honest, I was shitting myself. I had heard that this movie had been banned because it was sooooo scary. A guy that I used to work with (who’s poker game is predictable but who’s opinion can be trusted) saw this movie the other night and when he got home he was almost in tears and told his younger brother he wasn’t going to be able to sleep for a few nights. Feckkkkkkk. I was going to need some Depends, I was sure of it. I told Dana, my partner in crime for the evening, that I was going to ask for my popcorn to be double bagged so I would have something to barf in later. After some research, which I could have totally benefited from yesterday afternoon while my guts were fermenting my breakfast, turns out “banned” is some new code word for “limited release”. That’s right folks, viral Twitter and Facebook accounts are now the new way to market a film. Well done Mr. Peli and Mr. Spielberg. As much as I cannot stand Facebook and Twitter, this move was nothing short of fucking brilliant. Nicely done, indeed.

Prior to the movie starting, the crew of tweens assembled a few rows down, in the section directly in front of the movie screen. They were definitely the “rolling with the homies” crowd complete with askew head wear and baggy jeans that look like they have already shit themselves and are carrying this steaming load in their shorts. And that was just the chicks in the crew. I stated to Dana that I was going to spend my night watching them watch this movie and that I was going to enjoy watching them screaming like a bunch of four year old girls. I know it’s not very kind or gracious or remotely compassionate to watch others suffer, but I’m not above deriving pleasure from observing someone being served up a well deserved and much needed attitude adjustment… cos that’s how I roll, yo. Karma’s a bitch and I can be one too. Deal.

As the lights went down, the punk assed kids sitting down front would not shut the fuck up. I thought about throwing a candy at them but I really do throw like a girl and it would have been a waste of peanut butter and chocolate. It took some dood from the back of the theater screaming at them to shut the fuck up (after several other requests to shut the fuck up but his was a much more darker, sinister, I’m-gonna-curb-stomp-your-ass-in-the-parking-lot-before-your-mum-comes-to-get-you-later-tonight shut the fuck up). Clapping ensued, shutting the fuck up emanated from the front rows, and we were on our way to Spookyville.

I couldn’t help myself. I giggled and mocked for most of the night. Maybe it was it was being surrounded by people screaming at a light turning on and off. Maybe it was the kiddies screaming for their moms when a door slammed on screen. Ya, you read that right. A bedroom door slammed and they went from “all up in this mutha ghetto fantastic” to screeching pre-schoolers. Maybe it was the use of a chicken’s foot print to depict a big scary demon. Christ Almighty, even I’m more creative than that. Could someone please remind me again why I burnt up my afternoon being scared??? The king of movie reviews Roger Ebert called this mockumentary “ingenious”. Seriously? It’s The Blair Witch Project in a house. And I laughed my ass off at that shit too. Think back to the booger shot. You’re welcome.

I suspect it is futile to try and understand why the fear surrounding this movie went viral. Could it have been the look on the possessed Katie’s face while she was sniffing and licking Micah? Perhaps. But some people are down with that and licking can very easily be thought of as not so much demonic but very much erotic. My guess is the “fear” is nothing more than hype and I’m ashamed to say I bought into it. Luckily, on this night, I was not the only one donating my time and money to a gimmick.

Obviously this was not the Paranormal State/Ghost Hunters/Most Haunted/A Haunting crowd. If it had been, then we all would have been laughing as we left the theater, slightly miffed that we didn’t get our $12.50 worth of scary but grinning because we know those kids in the front are indeed hard core… hard core pussies.

The Weekly Whaaaaa

Now ain't that some shit...



I'm calling it... this is the new break-up anthem!

Eat Your Broccoli

Broccoli is a cruciferous vegetable from the cabbage family. Ya, that's right, cabbage. It has the same amount of calcium ounce for ounce as milk and contains phytochemicals like beta-carotene, and isothiocyanates which help against the formation, development, and spreading of some cancers.

It doesn't hurt that it goes great with cheese and cranberry ginger fizzy pop.

BAKED CHEESY PASTA AND BROCCOLI
 

Makes four 1/2 cup servings or six 1 cup servings.

Ingredients:

9 pasta nests

1 tbsp. margarine

2 tbsp. flour

2 c. milk

2 c. Mozzarella cheese (you can also use Cheddar or Gruyere)

1/8 tsp. nutmeg

1 tsp. sea salt

1/4 tsp. pepper

10 oz. broccoli florets

cooking spray

Method:

-cook pasta according to manufacturer's directions

-preheat broiler

-heat the butter in a large pot over medium heat

-add the flour and cook for about two minutes, constantly stirring, forming a roux

-whisk in the milk and cook until the mixture is slightly thickened (about 4 - 5 minutes), stirring occasionally

-and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese and stir until the cheese is melted

-add the nutmeg, salt, and pepper

-reduce heat to low and add the pasta and broccoli

-toss to combine

-pour mix into a baking dish that has been sprayed with cooking spray

-sprinkle pasta with the remaining cheese

-broil until cheese reaches desired brownness

Nutritional information (click to enlarge):

 

CRANBERRY GINGER FIZZY POP

Makes 4 servings.

Ingredients:

1 1/4 c. frozen cranberries

zest of half a large orange

1 c. water

1/2 c. unsweetened orange juice

1/3 c. Splenda

1 tbsp. fresh ginger, minced

4 cans club soda

1 lime, sliced into wedges

Method:

-in a saucepan, bring the cranberries, orange zest, water, orange juice, Splenda, and ginger to a boil over high heat

-reduce the heat, cover, and simmer for about 10 minutes or until the cranberries are soft and breaking open

-remove from heat and strain the mixture over a medium sized glass bowl

-using the back of a spoon or ladle, press the mixture through the strainer to extract as much liquid as possible

-repeat if juice is still pulpy

-this should yield about 1 1/3 cup liquid

-let the mix cool to room temperature

-for each serving, pour 1/3 cup into a tall glass and add the club soda

-stir to blend

-add ice if desired

-wedge lime onto rim of glass and serve

Nutritional information (click to enlarge):

The Weekly Whaaaaa

High heels?  Check.

Glass mosaics?  Check.

Bathtub?  Check.

For really?

Yes.  This is the Audrey Shoe Bathtub line by SICIS.

I'm totally renovating while I'm on holidays.  These are BANANAS.  I'm dying.  They belong with me.  Rachel Zoe and I are dying over these.  Literally. ;)

It Was A Red Velvet Sunday

While most of you were sleeping on Sunday morning at 9:30 am, I was being summoned by my six year old sous chef to make red velvet cupcakes.  All I wanted to do was stay in bed, read a couple of books, and kick this lung infection in the butt and out the door.  No, no.  Nay, nay.  "Auntie, we have to get going soon cos we have to buy a new egg beater machine (that's six year old for hand mixer) and get the stuff from the grocery store and we have to hurry Auntie, cos we also have to make a strawberry upside down cake... "  Gawd that child can say a lot in one breath...

Whoa, there's a cake AND cupcakes on our list of things to do?  Hand mixer, grocery store?

I'm sorry, can someone remind me again who runs my kitchen?

And there was something in there about making her a nice lunch but my CPU doesn't go that fast on a Sunday and it barely registered.

While the sous chef and I were in Zeller's not paying 79.97 for a hand mixer, I suddenly became surrounded by randoms that were way too super flirty for a Sunday.  Like surrounded.  Hemmed in on all sides at the checkout.  I know, who knew Zeller's was The Place To Be For The Nearly Forty.  No, I did not find Mr. Right.  Sous chef shut my groove down and let everyone in the store know we needed to "blow this dump" and find a "cheap egg beater machine".  I  totally had us a pizza lunch date worked out but she dissed and dismissed her almost future uncle for a trip to another store.  I don't mind.  His taste in flip flops is questionable.

I was reluctant to make these cupcakes because red velvet cake always looks so decadent and most of the recipes I could find used lard.  Straight up lard.  Gawd, I can't even imagine.  So after much time with Lord Google and the Google Gremlins, I found three recipes which I cleverly ripped off combined into one.  This recipe is fairly easy in terms of method.

I highly recommend having a young sous chef with you when you add the food colouring to the chocolate batter and turn it red... there's nothing in the world like hearing (all whispery), "Oh, Auntie, you're magic."

It made all the mania worth it.

RED VELVET CUPCAKES WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING

Makes 24 cupcakes.

This recipe can also be used to make a cake.

Cupcake Ingredients:
2 1/2 c. cake flour
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
2 tbsp. cocoa powder
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 1/2 c. vegetable oil
1 c. buttermilk (if you do not have buttermilk, add 1 tbsp. lemon juice to 1 c. milk, stir, and let sit for about 5 minutes before adding to mix)
1 1/2 to 2 tbsp. red food coloring
2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 tsp. white vinegar

Cream Cheese Icing Ingredients:
1 - 8oz package cream cheese, brought to room temperature
1/2 c. butter, brought to room temperature
2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
4 1/2 c. confectioners (icing) sugar

Method:
-preheat oven to 350 degrees and line cupcake tins with liners
-in a large mixing bowl with high sides, combine flour, sugar, baking soda, cocoa powder, and salt
-stir to combine, form a well, and set aside
-in a medium mixing bowl combine oil, buttermilk, food coloring, vanilla and vinegar
-using hand mixer, beat wet ingredients on a low setting to combine well
-pour half of the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and beat on a low setting
-continue to add wet ingredients to the mix
-when all wet ingredients are added, increase the mixer speed and beat the mix until it is completely smooth
-using a soup ladle or ice cream scoop, carefully fill cupcake liners about 3/4 of the way full
-gently tap the cupcake tin to release large air bubbles
-place in oven and bake for 20-25 minutes (use a toothpick to test at the 20 minute mark)
-remove from oven and let cool for at least two hours before frosting

-in a new bowl that has high sides, using the hand mixer to combine cream cheese with butter and vanilla and beat to combine thoroughly
-using the hand mixer on a low setting, slowly add 1/4 c. confectioner's sugar to the mixture and blend well; continue to add the sugar until it has all been incorporated into the mixture
-note: depending on the temperature and humidity, you may find you have to add a small amount of water (one teaspoon at a time) to the mix to reach the desired consistency
-once cupcakes are thoroughly cooled (about two hours), you can spread or pipe the icing onto the cupcakes and serve

Even though I put my finger through my piping bag and totally destroyed it, it really was worth it to see this yummy goodness:

And this other yummy goodness:

Now here is the bad news...  ouch but sooooo worth it! (click to enlarge)

 

Note: because there is cream cheese and butter in the icing, the uneaten cupcakes (should there be any!) must be refrigerated.

I Was Going To Post A Food Blog Tonight...

... but ended up losing a few hours on Fubiz.  The pics and videos are lovely.  And some are NSFWAK (and kiddies, come on, keep up!)

OK, I lost a lot of  hours.  The site is in French and English and defaults to Francais so you have to select "EN" up in the top right hand corner for the English version of the site.  Je parle une peut francais mais tres mal.  Tres tres mal.  So mal, Paris just embargoed me.  Which totally sucks cos I want to go there to learn how to make pastry, hang out at the Louvre and flirt with a cleanly shaven Sam Worthington in le jardin de wherever he wants.

I mean, really, how can you resist?

But I digress.

The coolest helmets in the world are at Fubiz.  Watermelon and motorbikes.  Not a pairing I would imagine but it works.

The Weekly Whaaaaa

Ya, I'll get right on that...