Know your enemy. Exploit their weaknesses.
More often than not, I want to punch the music industry in the balls. If it had any.
Gone are the days when an artist got an entire album to “experiment” with their sound (ya, I’m looking at you Bryan Adams, while I hold a copy of Into the Fire). If today’s music industry was flourishing 50 years ago, there would be no Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Tom Waits, Joni Mitchell, or Bob Dylan; artists who shaped generations of real singer/song writer/musicians. By today’s standards, they would have been considered ugly, visually unappealing, and unmarketable.
Think about that every time you hear the guitar being played by Kurt Cobain. Think about that every time you hear Ella, Etta, Miles, and Dizzy.
Recently, Adele said, “I make music for the ears, not the eyes.” It is a sad day when a singer/song writer has to point that out. And it shows us exactly where the music industry has led us. Can we blame MTV? Back in the day, yes. But now? Not so much. Those fuckers don’t even play music videos any more.
Which brings me to the MTV VMA’s. How can a station that does not air music videos any more continue to have a yearly music video award show? Perhaps it is just me and one of those things, but I cannot connect the dots here.
What I can do is exploit the shit out of it. Twitter style. Cos that’s how the kids roll, yo.
I cannot watch the VMA's on MTV Canada. I can, however, watch them on MuchMusic, MTV's competition. #overwhelminglyironic
Jersey Shore. Suck my donkey balls. Why are we still watching these twats over-dose on spray tan? #dumbasswannabes
Selena Gomez and Demi Levato are BFF’s? Awkward body language and my Spidey senses say otherwise. #disneyrehabproject
Yes, Selena, they are “Cobra Star Shit”. Talentless vag odor. Not that vag odor has a talent. Just saying. #vomitinmypocket
Seth Grogan, it wasn’t just a “long, weird walk.” It was a long, weird walk down a plastic intestine. #constipated
Taylor Lautner. Gaydar ping. #taylorswiftwasyourbeard
Nicki Minaj. Say whaaaaaa? #hellokittywantshershitback
Foo Fighters. Hallelujah! #thankyoubuddha
More Jersey Shore. Excuse me while I void my bowels. #uselesscunts
Stop abusing me with these losers that star on your crap reality shows. Dear Jebus, GIVE ME GAGA! #preshowmakesmestabby
LMFAO. Shufflebot? #fuckoff
It’s Britney, bitch. She’s looking positively well medicated. #weaveisundercontrol
30 Seconds From Mars. Time’s up, Jared Leto. You are a pretentious bitch and will always be Jordan Catalano. #mysowannabelife
Katy Perry. I just can’t. Hard work recognized? Get your husband to take a shower and maybe we will have something. #stinkycheesedick
OMFG, Baby Jay Z Beysuz in the oven!!!! #thesecondcomingisimminent
Brit Brit doesn’t get Gaga’s Joe. #iwannabesedated
Gaga, Brian May. Uh huh. #freddiemercurylives
"Whatever. You don’t know me or my parents.” Kevin Hart, I’m hijacking that. #sassybitch
Jonah Hill. Nicki Minaj. #notfunny
Jay Z. Kanye. #mydiamondsareinthesky
Beibs, I know you don’t “get” Jay and Kanye, but respect, you stupid fucking bitch. #usherisyourbeard
Jack Black, I love you and your sexy break dancing ways. #iheartthismutha
Is it just me or does the performance stage look like a lady hole? #vajayjay
Add another name to the shame fuck list… Pitbull. And you, Neyo, sir, you are going on the freebie five. #quiveringladybits
Katie Holmes. Clueless. #iamanalien
Adele. Am. Breathless. Her voice is simply amazing. Lovely. Just got a lady boner. How adorable is she? #girlcrush
Chris Brown. Sit down, son. Kanye, don’t just stand there, rush that fucker. #unrepentantwomanhaterandwomanbeater
If someone doesn’t shut that Jessie J bitch up soon, Imma get homicidal. #shhhhhhh
Britney Tribute? Where? Didn't someone say Miss Jackson was gonna sing "Slave 4 U"??? #suckdonkeyballs
Will Baby JayBey come into the world with a wind machine of their own? #unclekanyerawks
WTF is hanging out of Katy Perry’s head? Is she wearing a brick of cheese in that pink rat’s nest? #stupiddumbembarrasmentwasteoftime
What is that botox nightmare sitting next to Kardashian? Is that a shemale? #doesitmatterwhichkardashiansheis
What is a Tyler the Creator? #whoisthisnutsack
Young the Giant? Will show up for your show, will bring 250 of their friends from back home. To be on stage. With them. #coswecan
Cloris Leachman has no fucking clue where she is or who she’s with. Or maybe she just doesn't want to admit it. Would you? #awesomesauce
Tony and Amy. Body and Soul. #legacy
Bruno Mars. I certainly would. Even with that high top hair. #youcancallmevalerie
Katie Holmes. STFD, STFU. #whyareyouevenhere
Drake. Uhhhhh. I'll say your name, say your name, and wear you out. #iwanttowearyourcardigan
Lil Wayne. #anothershamefuck
I think Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters said it best: "I just want to say: Never lose faith in real rock and roll music, you know what I mean? Never lose faith in that. You might have to look a little harder, but it's always going to be there."
#amen
