You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. ~ Anne Lamott

Monday, January 31, 2011

Touchdown Jesus

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on November 15, 2009)

I have a friend named Mark. Mark loves football. And he loves hockey even though he hasn’t watched a game since he left Philly. Please don't hate him. He's stuck in Ohio. He's learning about bad choices as we speak ;)

Back to football. I understand that Americans tend to be fanatical about the sport. Just think back to when Janet Jackson’s teet threatened to ruin the game and American morality. Yes, friends, a nipple covered in metal revealed at half time at the Super Bowl almost brought a nation to its knees and worse yet, threatened to tarnish the game of football forever.

I don’t get it. Both the tit thing and football. Honestly people, it was a boobie. In a country that has such a predilection for all things pornographic, how can Miss Janet’s breast be a sign of the end of times? As for football, the North American version of it is hardly about feet, and what the hell is up with the ball? European football, that’s football. Got foot, got ball, got game. But the helmets, the spandex, the ball that looks like it’s been hiding in the tight end’s arse… really? Hell, if football were played on ice, wearing skates, I might become remotely interested in it. Alas, they don't and so I am left to wonder about many facets of this game.

Mark and I were talking sports. He was reminding me the Oilers are in trouble and I was reminding him he’s dangerously close to the Bible Belt and football fanatics who must be shitting themselves after an episode of Glee used Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” to help the football team to victory.



Mark then unloaded football’s savior on me. Literally. Let me introduce you to the University of Notre Dame’s Touchdown Jesus…


Fantastic, isn’t it? It’s really something else, non? I have spent most of my morning pondering TDJ. The unabated size of it is amazing. Sure, TDJ is actually a mural called “The Word of Life” by Millard Sheets, and the mural is actually part of the Hesburgh Library located adjacent to the stadium the Fighting Irish play in but it reads more like "God is on our side. We have divine intervention.” Or even more bizarre, note that TDJ looks like he’s got his arms up like a football ref in a “touchdown, it’s good” position.
I wonder what Jesus would look like if he traded in the halo for a helmet , traded the sandals for cleats, and got rid of the hippy toga gear and donned some spandex. Okay, so he'd look like just about any other football player but you can bet Mark's ass that his touch down dances would be extraordinary.

MAKE
Menu:
Edemame Beans
Cranraisin Salad With Citrus Peppercorn Vinaigrette
Chocopudd Mousse

EDEMAME BEANS
I buy the frozen version of these because I have yet to find them raw. Follow the directions on the label to cook. When done cooking, quickly toss in a lemon pepper with a dash of salt and serve immediately. Remember, the pods are not edible so remind the people you are eating with to suck or pick the beans out of the pods and eat the beans only.

CRANRAISIN SALAD WITH CITRUS PEPPERCORN VINAIGRETTE
You can use any vinaigrette for this salad, however the best I have had so far has to be the citrus peppercorn vinaigrette from Blue Kettle Specialty Foods. I first found Blue Kettle at the St. Albert farmer's market and it is well worth the trip to find their stall at the market if you live in the greater Edmonton area. Blue Kettle also retails in some locations... check out their "Where To Find Us" section on their site. Their products can be a bit on the pricey side but I assure you, it is worth it!

6c. Romain lettuce, washed and torn into bit sized pieces
1 c. broccoli florets, cut into bit sized pieces
1 c. celery, sliced
1 1/2 c. cucumber, halved and sliced
1/2 red onion, sliced
1 mango, diced (use 1 can if fresh mangoes are not available)
1/3 c. sunflower seeds, shelled
1/2 c. cran raisins
citrus peppercorn dressing, to taste
shredded cheese (preferably marbled cheddar)

-put Romain lettuce in serving bowl
-mix broccoli, celery, cucumber, red onion and put on top of lettuce
-add diced mangoes, sunflower seeds and cranraisins on top of vegetable mixture
-coat salad with dressing as desired
-top with shredded cheese, if desired
-note: add cooked and diced chicken for extra protein

CHOCOPUD MOUSSE
6 pre-made Jello chocolate pudding snacks, chilled
1-8 oz container Cool whip

-empty pudding into mixing bowl
-slowly fold in the cool whip
-scoop into serving bowls and chill for 20 minutes
-you can top these with chocolate shavings or marachino cherries if desired
-note: you can use the "sugar free" version of pudding and the "lite" version of cool whip to reduce calories

THINK
We're all fucked. It helps to remember that. - George Carlin

LISTEN
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Social Code - Satisfied
Stiff Little Fingers - Suspect Device

READ
JPod by Douglas Coupland

If you work on a cube farm, under fluorescent lights, for The Man, you will get it. I found myself literally laughing out loud at some parts.

WATCH
What are you doing Wednesday nights? You're watching Glee, right? If you aren't watching Glee, what the hell is the matter with you? The lip synching may be craptastic but Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester is genius! Oh and let us not forget Puck... mmmm I likes me some Puck.

VISIT
Bubble Coral... who knew??

GO GREEN
Go here to read about quick and easy ways to make your office/workspace greener.