I Thought I Wanted a Puppy

Well, dammit.

Now I am going to have to get a bigger place for me and this baby walrus.

Puppies are totally overrated.

This One Is Dedicated to the Ones I Love

Recently, I turned 35.

Again.

One of the things I really wanted for my birthday was to be surrounded by my family.  The family I have created for myself, not necessarily the family I share DNA with.

Simply put, most of the family that I have that I share a gene pool with are people I really do not like.  Addiction, psychosis, insecurity, and general nastiness keep me away.  If you are reading this, if we are related, if you have not seen or heard from me in the past year or so... you are, or possess at least one of the four things that started the last sentence.  And no, I will not be apologizing for saying that out loud on the internet.  Grow up and own your shit.

My birthday dinner party was exactly what I wanted.  We had great food I spent all day cooking...

.... pulled chicken sandwiches and potato salad...

... nachos with salsa, sour creme, and pico de gallo guacamole...

... edemame beans and wings...

We also had blue cake with an Alice in Wonderland topper (thank you Pinterest and my sassy Mum who can't stand fondant but still wanted me to have Alice and company atop my blue cake)...

We had sunshine after a day of rain, we had badminton and pink Mohawks.  Most importantly, we all had each other; three families that have chose each other, together as one.

And flowers.  Do not forget the flowers...

Chicken With Vegetables And Pasta, Or How Michael Gave Me The Shove I Needed

It has been a while.

I have been working on different projects which have been a major distraction.

Then there is the swimming.  Yes, you heard right, my big butt in a swim suit in a public pool, not drowning.  At first the plan was to go back to the gym but I decided to face a few fears and swim instead.  Now, its probably being incredibly gracious calling it swimming.  What I do for an hour at a time is probably not much more than an advanced form of the doggie paddle with a touch of the breast stroke, but for two months I have managed to keep myself from drowning at least three times a week.

Writing and cooking have taken a back seat for some time now but after talking to my friend Michael (code for he talked, I listened), the desire to write and cook is back.

Here's your chicken with vegetables and pasta, darling.  Bad news is, I was out of quinoa.  Good news is, its belly rubbing nap time.

CHICKEN WITH VEGETABLES AND PASTA

Ingredients:

3 chicken breasts, each cut in quarters
3 c. flour, seasoned
3 tbsp. grapeseed or EVOO
½ medium red onion
2 c. mushrooms, sliced
3 – 4 cloves garlic, minced
1 yellow bell pepper, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
8 stalks asparagus, heads cut off, stalks cut in half and then into bite sized pieces
1 large can stewed tomatoes, drained, juice reserved
6 c. pasta, cooked

Method:

-cut chicken breast in half; turn each piece on its side and cut in half again

-place flour in a container with sides and season the flour with paprika, oregano, and thyme (1/2 tsp. each)

-heat oil in a large pan on medium high heat

-dredge chicken in flour and then place in pan, cooking about 4 minutes on each side depending on thickness of chicken

-once cooked, remove from pan and set aside

-immediately add vegetables and stir fry until al dente

-add reserved tomato juice, reduce heat to medium, and reduce juice to desired consistency

-cook pasta

-when pasta is finished cooking, drain

-warm chicken in a pan

-plate chicken on pasta and vegetable mixture on chicken

 Makes 4 - 6 servings.

The Best Thing About The Super Bowl

Right now, Janet Jackson is high fiving everyone she knows and has begun praying at the altar of M. I. A.

I cannot wait for the world to cave in.  It is going to be ahmayzing.  Who knew it would take just one finger.

Oh how I do love me some M. I. A.

Now, I'm sure that Madonna will take credit for the whole thing.  Let her.  The song is shite and she should be giving herself the middle finger for ever releasing it publicly.  I still have not figured out how Ms. Minaj and M. I. A. appeared on this song but that is another discussion for a different blog.

If Madonna were truly as controversial and provocative as she and her marketing people want us to believe she is, she would have made this song.

It is time Madge.  Shut the hell up and let M. I. A. do her thing.

Blessed

A Decalogue of Canons for Observation in Practical Life

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself.
Never spend your money before you have it.
Never buy what you do not want, because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold.
We never repent of having eaten too little.
Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
How much pain have cost us the evils which never have happened.
Take things always by their smooth handle.
When angry, count to ten before you speak; if still angry, a hundred.

~ Thomas Jefferson (from a letter to Thomas Jefferson Smith, 1825)

Random Sauce, Part 11

Good judgement is the result of experience.  Which was the result of bad judgement.
~~~~
If I were to agree with you, that would make both of us wrong.
~~~~
 I know Onoway isn't that big, but DHL isn't that smart.
~~~~
May the 4th be with you.
~~~~
Dear Duggars: It is a vagina, not a clown car.
~~~~

Blessed

Lessons From the Hundred-Acre Wood

Following some mysterious tracks can lead to an adventure.
If you don't know something for sure, you may as well admit it.
A real friend (however small) never lets you feel foolish for long.
Sometimes just being there takes courage.
Its better to remember before going up that you have a problem with down.
Sometimes the best thing to do is let go.
Thinking can be hard when someone else is talking,
You should wit for a polite time to interrupt, no matter what your tumbly tells you.
It one goes on long enough, it gets a bit boring.
When someone calls you silly (in a nice sort of way), just call them silly right back.
If you don't succeed wit the wrong sort of bees, its wroth another try with the right sort.
Only an understanding friend will do something for you he thinks is silly.
"Silly old bear" when said the right way, sounds just like "I love you."
Its hard to keep it down and exercise at the same time.
When your mother puts her paws on her hips, you know you're in trouble.
Good manners are good.
There's always room for hope.
When in doubt, change the subject.
If you're looking for home but you keep finding a sandpit, try looking for the sandpit -- and
     you might find home.
If you listen to your honey (or your heart or tummy), it may call you back home.
The best-laid plans aren't always.
The friend who finds you when you might be lost is a very welcome friend.
You are where you are wherever you are (that's got to be a rule).
Getting organized is sometimes better than just talking about it.
Accidents happen.
Its bad form to save yourself when somebody else needs your help.
A tail can be more than an extra bit at the back.
According to Christopher Robin, its goes like this: you're braver than you believe, and
     stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Friends can be there for you, whether or not they're there with you.
If you're between this and that and here and there, you might be completely lost.
When things get very scary (and when you're very small) its comforting to shut your eyes and
     hold on to a friend.
Nowhere is a wonderful place -- especially when you're beside your best friend.
When someone else asks what you're going to do, you can always say, "Oh, nothing."

~ Hallie Marshal

Nirvana

Parinirvana 2012

Magha Puja 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Happy 2012

If you want to build a ship, don't heard people together to collect the wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. ~ Antoine du Saint-Exupery

Lord 'Tunderin' Jaysus Christ B'ye

So there is this wee tiny part of me that is Irish and I get a bit sentimental when I hear the accent or see pictures of rolling hills and valleys separated by stone fences.

I love most things Irish.  I love soda bread and barley soup.  I like my colcannon made with cabbage, not kale ,and it is spelled faeries, not fairies.  I like reading about Michael Collins and listening to U2 and The Commitments.  I cannot drink anymore and I miss Guinness.  A properly drawn pint of Guiness that is, not the shite in a bottle.  So.  Wrong.

So when something "Oirish" comes along, I cringe.  This gem landed on my Facebook wall:

I can't even.

PS: Westlife called.  Kian wants his hair back.

Turkey Dinner 101

Some of you are celebrating Thanksgiving today.  Some of us did last month.  Even more of you are in agony about cooking a big turkey dinner for Christmas.

You need to take a page out of Tante Marie's book.  I've been cooking turkey dinners since I was in high school, most times for nearly 20, and I do not understand what the fuss is about.  Cook the fucking thing already.  Nobody wants corn as a vegetable?  Well nobody said they have to eat it, right? 

Just cook the fucking thing.

Happy Cluck Cluck!

For Sacrifice, For Peace

Occupy His Arse

Sorry Henry, we are going to have to disagree on this one.  Now, this this dood is on to something...

Let me add, winters in Canada are reeeeaaaallllllyyyy fucking cold.  Let us see where this occupy business lands in Edmonton come January when its -45 celcius with the windchill.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday pretty girl!

Blessed

Occupy My Arse

It is really too bad that your liberal arts degree cannot get you a job in one of the very Fortune 500 companies you are protesting against.  Surprise!  You live in a world where it is not good enough to prove you can "read good" and spew a 10 000 word essay on oppressed rats in medical research.  I am sure your interest in 19th century art and the history of weapons used in the Boer War makes for interesting conversation at cocktail parties and fund raisers for PETA, but let us get something straight: you were out of your fucking mind if you thought that was going to be the foundation for employment.  Most of you owe your parents an apology and all that tuition money they gave to you.  Same goes for all the "flash cash" you asked for so you could beer pong your way through your third year.  Oh you know who you are.  I spent many a Friday at the Power Plant watching you trying to replace you blood volume with alcohol so shut it.

Before you get all bent out of shape and take one of your clever protest placards to my head let us get some things straight.  I started out university as an English major.  In this particular matter, I am the voice of experience.  I wanted to take classes that broadened my horizons, study literature written by the best of the best and have my mind blown by the debates in class.  By the end of my first year, my brain had been filled with vast amounts of knowledge about history, anthropology, political science, archaeology, and Victorian English but the fact of the matter was that this was not going to pay the bills unless I taught classes on Victorian English and let's face it, that is a pretty narrow market.

What happened after that was a re-shaping of my future.  I came to understand that I could always go back and study those things but what I needed to do was restructure my education so that what I learned was useful, lent itself to employable job skills, and gave me a foundation for future employment.  Jane Austen and Athena would have to wait.

Along the way, I took a few courses in economics.  I learned a thing or two about capitalism.  One of those things is the power of the consumer's dollar.  Oh you may think that the Walmarts and Chase banks of the world have all the power but the truth is, they don't.  They exist because you buy from them or do business with them.  Want to really protest?  Hit them where it hurts: the bottom line.  Do not buy from companies that fund/support/prop up things you do not like or agree with.  Same goes for places that offer services you use.  If you are reading this online, you can use the services provided by Lord Google, do some research and find out if that Capital One credit card is what you really want in your wallet.  All you do when you destroy the property of the "1%" is give them reason to charge higher interest rates on things like loans and mortgages and give you less interest on your savings; someone has to pay for the damage and you just gave them justification for doing so.  Thanks a bunch.

So all you Occupy Wherever can take your Marxist/Socialist ideals and rotate.  You are where you are because of choices you made.  Do not bother making your shitty choices someone else's responsibility or problem.  Trust me, the "1%" do not feel guilty about where you chose to be in life.  Have the balls to stand up, get a job, pay your taxes and contribute to society in a meaningful way.  You say I am my brother's keeper?  Well that asshole better get off his duff and get a job and I don't care if it is at a convenience store or bagging groceries at a market.  No one is too good to work at these kinds of jobs.  I have a hippie heart but I am tired of funding his leaderless, pointless Arab Spring field trip to Wall Street.  And tell the fucker to pack up his tent, go home, and take a shower... him and his new dreds are stinking up the place.

Amen.

300 Really Is Too Many

I was bullied in high school.  Not because I was gay, but for being short, for being fat, for being smart, for being ugly, for being poor, for coming from the wrong part of town.  And while I am not gay, having been bullied, I can sympathize.

The "It Gets Better" campaign always seemed to fall short to me; celebrities appealing to kids they have never met that sunny days are ahead.  Kids staring down the barrel of a gun that they themselves are holding know that more often than not, that celebrity is just jumping on a band wagon and that the words being said are being read off a cue card that a publicist approved.  Nobel idea, sure, but it still smells like a steaming pile of bullshit to me. 

Before I finished grade 11, two kids I knew blew their heads off with shotguns.  I was 17 then.  I am 40 now.  Things have not got better.

As Mr. Mercer says, we have to make it better now.