Is It Friday Yet?

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on January 06, 2010.)


I have been smoking at work. Go ahead, judge.


I’ve also been longing for last week where it was all about me and fresh pj’s. I thought I missed work. Turns out, not so much. The problem with going on Christmas break is that, while you are away, the paper gremlins come along and turd out faxes and mail all over the place and you are left to dig through piles of paper to find your desk. Rumor has it I still have a desk on the cube farm but its currently cleverly disguised as a paper holder. When you look at it from the right angle, my desk actually looks like piles of paper are levitating. All week I have been losing my mouse and keyboard which is cool with me because when I opened my email on Monday morning, there were 96 (not including spam) reasons to grab my stuff and go back home.


I think now would be a good time to adopt my niece's philosophy about asses and sofas.


When asked what she was going to do for Christmas break, my niece Janelle responded, “Park my arse on the sofa and read.” She’s eleven and deeply profound. Her verbage cracked me up. When I was half her age, I came home from school and ALLEGEDLY said a particular boy was a fecking koont (say it in your head with a Scottish accent. Uh huh, now you’re getting it). I cut Janelle some slack on this one because someone cut me slack when I was a kid and she didn’t rat me out to the Proper Authority Figures when I ALLEGEDLY said a sales clerk at Please Mum could go suck a bag of dicks.


Don’t be all judgey. You would have done the same.


Perhaps you would have had more tact and said something less vulgar but who the hell asks for your name, address, phone number, email address, and work phone number when you are purchasing a shirt? And paying cash? I still have no idea why this rocket scientist who was cleverly disguised as a sales clerk wanted this information. When I asked her why she required this information as all I wanted to do was pay for a $10.00 shirt, I was the recipient of one of those minimum wage sighs, followed by the obligatory mall employee eye roll, and the embellished “now I have to work” banging of the finger on the delete key on the till. I’m sure I’ll be going straight to her version of consumer hell for adding wear and tear to her trailer park low budget press on nail manicure, but I will never understand why purchasing a shirt requires surrendering my personal information. Consequently, I dropped the “suck a bag of dicks” bomb, Janelle giggled, and I took solace in knowing karma was going to keep that snotty little girl working in a mall, lunching in a food court, and wearing a name tag for a living.


Stay in school kids.


I’m not going to lie, I didn’t do much on my break. Apparently, I put in one day at work . We started at 8.00 am and left at 1.00 pm. What was actually accomplished in that time was nominal but the good news is, Whoville got packed away and it doesn’t look like Christmas puked in certain offices any more.


What did I actually do for a week? I stayed up late and slept in a lot even though I was totally convinced this was going to be the week I was going reset my body clock. Hmmm not so much. . The week was really an homage to pajamas and snacking.


I was completely relaxed and romantic during the break too. I made love to my sofa, love seat, chair, computer chair and bed.


In an effort to feel like I had accomplished something, I did two things. First, if something was tucked away in a drawer or closet and I was annoyed by its existence, I put it in the middle of the room and found a permanent home or garbage can for that item. Secondly, I ripped apart a wardrobe that serves as a book shelf and desk and a catcher of all things I can’t be arsed to put away where they belong. I did this last August on my vacation too.


How the hell did I accumulate so much shit in four months?


When I did this exercise in August, I was determined to keep all my shit organized. When I was done cleaning, sorting, alphabetizing, purging, and shredding, the inside of the wardrobe looked lovely. It was a ode to organization. For a day. Maybe two. Chaos started with ATM receipts. I save them and reconcile them with my bank statements. I used to be really good at this. Used to be. Every month when my bank statement arrived, I would be on it that night, highlighting and shredding and it was all good. Now? Let’s just say that the ATM receipts that weren’t in the bottom of my purse or preventing my wallet from being closed, were in a crumpled pile in a Ziploc. Did I mention I spend a large portion of my day accounting and filing? Scandalous, I know. I’m down to two piles to sort out. And yes, one of those piles is four months of ATM receipts.


MAKE
Menu
Banana Strawberry Smoothie
Scones
Quinoa Porridge


BANANA STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE
2 c. banana
2 c. strawberry
1 c. milk
1 c. strawberry or vanilla yogurt


-peel and slice bananas
-wash strawberries and cut tops off
-put fruit in blender or food processor with yogurt and milk
-blend to desired consistency and serve immediately


SCONES
¼ c. cold butter
1 ½ c. all purpose flour
¼ c. sugar
½ tsp. cinnamon
1 tbsp. baking powder
¼ tsp. baking soda
2 eggs
½ c. butter milk (if unavailable, add 2 tsp. lemon juice to 2% or skim milk)
1 c. fruit or cheese of choice


-preheat oven to 350 degrees
-combine dry ingredients
-beat one egg and combine it with the buttermilk
-thread the butter through the dry ingredients until texture is like gravel
-add the milk and egg mixture and mix
-add fruit or cheese; blend through batter
-mix and separate into two balls
-flatten the balls into two disks, five to six inches in diameter
-slice each disk into four sections and place on an ungreased cookie sheet
-beat the second egg and brush it on the scones as a glaze
-bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until the scones are brown


QUINOA PORRIDGE
½ c. quinoa
¼ tsp. cinnamon
1 ½ c. almond milk (or soy with 1 tsp. almond extract)
½ c. water
2 tbsp. brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 pinch salt


-preheat saucepan over medium heat and measure in quinoa
-season with cinnamon and cook until toasted, stirring frequently
-pour in the almond milk, water, vanilla, and stir in the brown sugar and salt
-bring to a boil and cook over low heat until thick and grains are tender (about 25 minutes)
-add more water if liquid has dried up before porridge finishes cooking
-stir occasionally to prevent burning


THINK
You should not take part in your own persecution. – Bobby Seale


LISTEN
Pixie Lott – Cry Me Out
Dan Balan – Chica Bomb
The Buzzcocks – What Do I Get


READ
Chantel Simmons – Stuck in Downward Dog


WATCH
The Nature Of Things: The Everlasting Oasis


Start here:



VISIT
The future of books, here today… audible.com


GO GREEN
Have a swap meet with your friends. The idea is that everyone gets together and swaps belongings they no longer want or use. Anything left over immediately goes to a donation bin.

I've Got Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on May 30, 2010)

Lately, there have been a lot of cloudy days. Cloudy health days, cloudy family days, cloudy friend days, cloudy job that I can barely muster up the energy to go to days, and cloudy shitty boy days. What's more troubling are the cloudy I don't want to read or write or do anything remotely creative days.

This does not compute.

What the hell is this block about? What is this indecision and reluctance stuff?

What would Tom Jones do?

What's new pussycat? Whoooooaaaaaaaa-ooooo-ooo...

... brown hair that might be a big ol' bag of nooooooooo....

... pretty red shoes that make all the kids jealous (Note the Denver Hayes tags. I really really did get them from Mark's)....

... after seventeen years, these two finally did the paperwork...

... and these two got all princessy for the special day....

... le sigh...

... this weekend, it snowed....

May 30th and it is snowing.

At this point, I do not even know where to direct my complaints. It is at least our second snow "event" (when did weather become an event??) this month and quite frankly speaking, I was over it before it began. Snow, people. Mutha effin' snow.

The tropics aren't even an option anymore. No. They have become all earthquakey and typhoonie and other weather that wants to make you dead.

You have to know its bad out there when my nieces look out the window with a degree of disgust reserved for when they have to scrape dog poo off their sandals.

"Auntie, this is what you mean when you say something sucks a big bag of bo-bo, right"

Actually, Auntie thinks it sucks a bag of dicks.

"That's right sweetie, a big bag of bo-bo. Want some breakfast?"

SUNNY BREAKFAST FOR THREE
Coffee (for Auntie's only)
Mango Papaya Smoothie
Sun Drop Bagels

COFFEE

Brew it. Mainline it. Purrrrrrrrr.

Disclaimer: I do not receive money or gifts from whateverittakes.org and this picture in no way a promotion. I just really dig the architecture of the cup and what is in it. However, should you be interested in an artwork campaign by public figures from the likes of Ronnie Wood (who designed this particular coffee mug) to Georgio Armani to Desmond Tutu to Renzo Piano, that raises money and awareness for charities all over the world, go here.  Click on "Artwork & Product Gallery" to see some really interesting original pieces of art created to raise cash money for causes that help out those who can't always help themselves.

MANGO PAPAYA SMOOTHIE
 

Serves three.

(You will need a Magic Bullet with a blender attachment for this recipe. A food processor will work as well.)

Ingredients:
1 c. milk (I've used Dairyland Plus 1% Lactose Free Milk cos I like the smoothies but the milk doesn't like me)
1/2 c. Activia vanilla yogurt
1/2 c. frozen mango
1 c. frozen papaya

Method:
-pour the milk and yogurt in the blender and give it a quick blend on the bullet
-add frozen fruit one cube at a time as this will make it easier for the bullet to blend your smoothie
-blend to desired consistency
-pour in cups, add a straw or spoon, get lost in the yummy goodness

SUN DROP BAGELS

(Serves 3)

Ingredients:
3 - 100% whole wheat or whole grain bagels (I've used Dempster's Body Wise 100% Whole Grain bagels... half the calories, all the yum yum)
3 tsp. Philadelphia Low Fat Cream Cheese (95% fat free, we likey)
3 oz. marbled cheddar cheese

Method:
-slice the bagels and toast lightly
-spread one teaspoon (very thinly) on each bagel
-tear the marbled cheddar into bits
-top each bagel with an ounce of the cheddar cheese
-put the bagels on a plate and place in the microwave to melt the cheese
-set your timer for 20 seconds and turn on your microwave
-depending on the strength of your microwave, you may wish to continue melting the cheese; melt in 10 second intervals so you don't scorch the cheese and turn the bagel into a whole wheat piece of rubber