A Brush With Fame or How I Learned to Relax Like a Queen

I first met Queen Amy when I was going to college.  There was a basement food court in an office tower where my friends and I could go and get a cup of coffee, talk, and study without the usual interruptions at school.  We could also get a cheap meal at a couple of the kiosks and Chicken for Lunch was one of those places.  The food was amazing and cheap but it was also like ordering from the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld.  Amy Quon has a rather dynamic personality, to say the least.

A couple of years ago, the Quons, who also own a rather popular Chinese food restaurant, had a reality TV show The Quon Dynasty which, should you get the chance, you should watch.  It is hilarious.

Yesterday I went to get my toenails cut because I always give myself ingrown toenails a pedicure and have my brows ripped off my head when who should I see but the Queen herself.  Of course, she was meditating while she enjoyed some pampering.

I would have done the same but my feet are ticklish and its important to not kick the nail tech in the head when she is using a straight blade to remove calluses.

Our First Time

There was the anxiety a few days before.

There was the epic hair removal session the night before.  Smooth from the eyelashes down.

This was going to be our first time doing this sort of thing and a girl needs to be prepared.

He was late.  My guts were churning.  I sat with my eyes closed, meditating, breathing deeply, hoping this was going to go well.

We have not known each other long and I knew it was going to be awkward.

This was our first time and all I wanted to do was vomit.  This did not bode well for me.

He finally arrived.  Told me to remove my "bottoms."  I also removed my top.  That is how I have always done it.  He turned around.  He was mortified.  This was not going well.

It got even more awkward when my cervix went AWOL.

It wasn't all bad.  We laughed, we talked about pedicures and Brazilians, he finally found my missing cervix, and when he was done, my boobies did not feel like they had been pushed into my spine through my armpits after they have been taken out into the hall and walked around the clinic.

And that is how my first physical with my new G. P. went.

Remember ladies, take care of your lady bits... regular physical exams, self breast exams, AND the dreaded pap smear are all a part of good health management.  Precaution, prevention, and early detection saves lives.

Go here for some added inspiration.  And boob lube.