Yes, that is my shower door.
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Our First Time
There was the anxiety a few days before.
There was the epic hair removal session the night before. Smooth from the eyelashes down.
This was going to be our first time doing this sort of thing and a girl needs to be prepared.
He was late. My guts were churning. I sat with my eyes closed, meditating, breathing deeply, hoping this was going to go well.
We have not known each other long and I knew it was going to be awkward.
This was our first time and all I wanted to do was vomit. This did not bode well for me.
He finally arrived. Told me to remove my "bottoms." I also removed my top. That is how I have always done it. He turned around. He was mortified. This was not going well.
It got even more awkward when my cervix went AWOL.
It wasn't all bad. We laughed, we talked about pedicures and Brazilians, he finally found my missing cervix, and when he was done, my boobies did not feel like they had been pushed into my spine through my armpits after they have been taken out into the hall and walked around the clinic.
And that is how my first physical with my new G. P. went.
Remember ladies, take care of your lady bits... regular physical exams, self breast exams, AND the dreaded pap smear are all a part of good health management. Precaution, prevention, and early detection saves lives.
Go here for some added inspiration. And boob lube.
There was the epic hair removal session the night before. Smooth from the eyelashes down.
This was going to be our first time doing this sort of thing and a girl needs to be prepared.
He was late. My guts were churning. I sat with my eyes closed, meditating, breathing deeply, hoping this was going to go well.
We have not known each other long and I knew it was going to be awkward.
This was our first time and all I wanted to do was vomit. This did not bode well for me.
He finally arrived. Told me to remove my "bottoms." I also removed my top. That is how I have always done it. He turned around. He was mortified. This was not going well.
It got even more awkward when my cervix went AWOL.
It wasn't all bad. We laughed, we talked about pedicures and Brazilians, he finally found my missing cervix, and when he was done, my boobies did not feel like they had been pushed into my spine through my armpits after they have been taken out into the hall and walked around the clinic.
And that is how my first physical with my new G. P. went.
Remember ladies, take care of your lady bits... regular physical exams, self breast exams, AND the dreaded pap smear are all a part of good health management. Precaution, prevention, and early detection saves lives.
Go here for some added inspiration. And boob lube.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Whip Your Hair
Shush. The song may suck a bag of you know what's but Starr Andrews is miles better than you. We both know that we would be on our arse before the singing started so give credit where it is due.
The Olympic Exhibition Skate is going to rawk when this kid performs.
Ya, I just called it.
The Olympic Exhibition Skate is going to rawk when this kid performs.
Ya, I just called it.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Two Girls And A Dye Job
(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on February 15, 2010)
It was supposed to be a lovely day at the spa. A treat for me. For the most part it was. Until it came time to get my hair did. Who knew my two-tone root emergency would prompt a cat fight?
Back in the day, I used to see Carla for all my hair dressing needs. Carla's husband knocked her up and told her he would not stand for her to be around chemicals that might give their baby a third arm or a cyclops eye. Asshole. Carla was a hair care goddess. I could say, "Do what you like" and not leave the spa looking like Denis Rodman. Now she's a mini-van mumma and she hasn't looked back. I miss her and hate her.
After being scalped and scalded with hair bleach by some sista who clearly had no idea what to do other than pose out, I ended up in the chair of the spa manager, George. In the beginning, things were great with George. It was magic. He was my therapist, my not gay gay hairdresser, and my follicular messiah.
Then he got complacent.
Three hair cuts in a row that were meh and this became a crisis for me.
I have nothing going on in the looks department so my hair is my crowning glory (ya, I'm a Leo). It pained me, but I did not have a choice.
I had to break up with George and see someone else.
What I should have done was change salons. But I am a fool. I cheated on George in George's salon. Right. Under. His. Nose. I had to be all ninja about that shit too. Believe me, I burned off the karma for cheating on George immediately. I ended up in the chair of a bat shit crazy woman who stalks her kids and wanted me to not only have an opinion about that, but wanted me to agree with her actions. But she is the most amazing colour tech in the world. So I endured the drama for a couple hours every six weeks.
Then there was the Sunday last summer when George busted my ass.
George does not do Sundays. Bat Shit Crazy worked every other Sunday. Perfect. Getting my roots touched up was becoming a Black Ops ninja nightmare.
Then it happened. George should have been having a lovely Sunday somewhere else. But no. No. NOOOOOO!!. He came into work. And there I was, in a chair, in the middle of the salon, mid colour application, hair standing on end with aluminum foil nesting on top of my head. My only options were to jump into my purse (too small, if you can believe it) or slide right off the chair and hide under the mirror (ewww, other people's hair). I was a hawt mess with nowhere to go. George's stank eye was like a laser.
Six weeks later, all humble and humiliated, I went back to George's chair. "I knew you'd be back" was all he said. For two hours. It was purgatory but that's what a girl gets for cheating on her hairdresser.
I have a dinner engagement this Friday and the only day I could address my skunk root explosion was today. George doesn't see clients on Monday but with his blessing and recommendation, I booked with someone else.
I thought I was in good hands.
Not so much.
Those hands did not know how to show up to work on time. Those hands and their lack of respect for their employer and this client landed me back in Bat Shit Crazy's chair. As per George. Payback is a bitch and he had me behind the eight ball. For two hours I got to hear about loyalty and being on the client list of two stylists in one salon and how this is just not normal in the industry. I took it. Normally, I wouldn't. But I was desperate and Bat Shit Crazy is cleaver. She waited until the bleach was on my hair before she packed my bags for the guilt trip. That was when Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit showed up for work, demanding I switch chairs. Bat Shit Crazy told Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit she was taking the client, getting the credit, and the tip. Luckily there was no stabbing each other with scissors or bludgeoning each other with hair spray bottles, but even I can't repeat the language Bat Shit Crazy and Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit used at the washing station. Horrifying.
This has truly been one of the most dysfunctional relationships I have been involved in.
My roots are gone and so am I. Anyone know a good salon with a gayer than gay hairdresser/therapist/fashion consultant who needs a new client/patient?
It was supposed to be a lovely day at the spa. A treat for me. For the most part it was. Until it came time to get my hair did. Who knew my two-tone root emergency would prompt a cat fight?
Back in the day, I used to see Carla for all my hair dressing needs. Carla's husband knocked her up and told her he would not stand for her to be around chemicals that might give their baby a third arm or a cyclops eye. Asshole. Carla was a hair care goddess. I could say, "Do what you like" and not leave the spa looking like Denis Rodman. Now she's a mini-van mumma and she hasn't looked back. I miss her and hate her.
After being scalped and scalded with hair bleach by some sista who clearly had no idea what to do other than pose out, I ended up in the chair of the spa manager, George. In the beginning, things were great with George. It was magic. He was my therapist, my not gay gay hairdresser, and my follicular messiah.
Then he got complacent.
Three hair cuts in a row that were meh and this became a crisis for me.
I have nothing going on in the looks department so my hair is my crowning glory (ya, I'm a Leo). It pained me, but I did not have a choice.
I had to break up with George and see someone else.
What I should have done was change salons. But I am a fool. I cheated on George in George's salon. Right. Under. His. Nose. I had to be all ninja about that shit too. Believe me, I burned off the karma for cheating on George immediately. I ended up in the chair of a bat shit crazy woman who stalks her kids and wanted me to not only have an opinion about that, but wanted me to agree with her actions. But she is the most amazing colour tech in the world. So I endured the drama for a couple hours every six weeks.
Then there was the Sunday last summer when George busted my ass.
George does not do Sundays. Bat Shit Crazy worked every other Sunday. Perfect. Getting my roots touched up was becoming a Black Ops ninja nightmare.
Then it happened. George should have been having a lovely Sunday somewhere else. But no. No. NOOOOOO!!. He came into work. And there I was, in a chair, in the middle of the salon, mid colour application, hair standing on end with aluminum foil nesting on top of my head. My only options were to jump into my purse (too small, if you can believe it) or slide right off the chair and hide under the mirror (ewww, other people's hair). I was a hawt mess with nowhere to go. George's stank eye was like a laser.
Six weeks later, all humble and humiliated, I went back to George's chair. "I knew you'd be back" was all he said. For two hours. It was purgatory but that's what a girl gets for cheating on her hairdresser.
I have a dinner engagement this Friday and the only day I could address my skunk root explosion was today. George doesn't see clients on Monday but with his blessing and recommendation, I booked with someone else.
I thought I was in good hands.
Not so much.
Those hands did not know how to show up to work on time. Those hands and their lack of respect for their employer and this client landed me back in Bat Shit Crazy's chair. As per George. Payback is a bitch and he had me behind the eight ball. For two hours I got to hear about loyalty and being on the client list of two stylists in one salon and how this is just not normal in the industry. I took it. Normally, I wouldn't. But I was desperate and Bat Shit Crazy is cleaver. She waited until the bleach was on my hair before she packed my bags for the guilt trip. That was when Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit showed up for work, demanding I switch chairs. Bat Shit Crazy told Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit she was taking the client, getting the credit, and the tip. Luckily there was no stabbing each other with scissors or bludgeoning each other with hair spray bottles, but even I can't repeat the language Bat Shit Crazy and Late As Fuck And Doesn't Give A Shit used at the washing station. Horrifying.
This has truly been one of the most dysfunctional relationships I have been involved in.
My roots are gone and so am I. Anyone know a good salon with a gayer than gay hairdresser/therapist/fashion consultant who needs a new client/patient?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I've Got Sunshine On A Cloudy Day
(Originally posted on my old blog "The Domestication of a Punk Rock Foodie" on May 30, 2010)
Lately, there have been a lot of cloudy days. Cloudy health days, cloudy family days, cloudy friend days, cloudy job that I can barely muster up the energy to go to days, and cloudy shitty boy days. What's more troubling are the cloudy I don't want to read or write or do anything remotely creative days.
This does not compute.
What the hell is this block about? What is this indecision and reluctance stuff?
What would Tom Jones do?
What's new pussycat? Whoooooaaaaaaaa-ooooo-ooo...
... brown hair that might be a big ol' bag of nooooooooo....
... pretty red shoes that make all the kids jealous (Note the Denver Hayes tags. I really really did get them from Mark's)....
... after seventeen years, these two finally did the paperwork...
... and these two got all princessy for the special day....
... le sigh...
... this weekend, it snowed....
May 30th and it is snowing.
At this point, I do not even know where to direct my complaints. It is at least our second snow "event" (when did weather become an event??) this month and quite frankly speaking, I was over it before it began. Snow, people. Mutha effin' snow.
The tropics aren't even an option anymore. No. They have become all earthquakey and typhoonie and other weather that wants to make you dead.
You have to know its bad out there when my nieces look out the window with a degree of disgust reserved for when they have to scrape dog poo off their sandals.
"Auntie, this is what you mean when you say something sucks a big bag of bo-bo, right"
Actually, Auntie thinks it sucks a bag of dicks.
"That's right sweetie, a big bag of bo-bo. Want some breakfast?"
SUNNY BREAKFAST FOR THREE
Coffee (for Auntie's only)
Mango Papaya Smoothie
Sun Drop Bagels
COFFEE
Brew it. Mainline it. Purrrrrrrrr.
Disclaimer: I do not receive money or gifts from whateverittakes.org and this picture in no way a promotion. I just really dig the architecture of the cup and what is in it. However, should you be interested in an artwork campaign by public figures from the likes of Ronnie Wood (who designed this particular coffee mug) to Georgio Armani to Desmond Tutu to Renzo Piano, that raises money and awareness for charities all over the world, go here. Click on "Artwork & Product Gallery" to see some really interesting original pieces of art created to raise cash money for causes that help out those who can't always help themselves.
MANGO PAPAYA SMOOTHIE
Serves three.
(You will need a Magic Bullet with a blender attachment for this recipe. A food processor will work as well.)
Ingredients:
1 c. milk (I've used Dairyland Plus 1% Lactose Free Milk cos I like the smoothies but the milk doesn't like me)
1/2 c. Activia vanilla yogurt
1/2 c. frozen mango
1 c. frozen papaya
Method:
-pour the milk and yogurt in the blender and give it a quick blend on the bullet
-add frozen fruit one cube at a time as this will make it easier for the bullet to blend your smoothie
-blend to desired consistency
-pour in cups, add a straw or spoon, get lost in the yummy goodness
SUN DROP BAGELS
(Serves 3)
Ingredients:
3 - 100% whole wheat or whole grain bagels (I've used Dempster's Body Wise 100% Whole Grain bagels... half the calories, all the yum yum)
3 tsp. Philadelphia Low Fat Cream Cheese (95% fat free, we likey)
3 oz. marbled cheddar cheese
Method:
-slice the bagels and toast lightly
-spread one teaspoon (very thinly) on each bagel
-tear the marbled cheddar into bits
-top each bagel with an ounce of the cheddar cheese
-put the bagels on a plate and place in the microwave to melt the cheese
-set your timer for 20 seconds and turn on your microwave
-depending on the strength of your microwave, you may wish to continue melting the cheese; melt in 10 second intervals so you don't scorch the cheese and turn the bagel into a whole wheat piece of rubber
Lately, there have been a lot of cloudy days. Cloudy health days, cloudy family days, cloudy friend days, cloudy job that I can barely muster up the energy to go to days, and cloudy shitty boy days. What's more troubling are the cloudy I don't want to read or write or do anything remotely creative days.
This does not compute.
What the hell is this block about? What is this indecision and reluctance stuff?
What would Tom Jones do?
What's new pussycat? Whoooooaaaaaaaa-ooooo-ooo...
... brown hair that might be a big ol' bag of nooooooooo....
... pretty red shoes that make all the kids jealous (Note the Denver Hayes tags. I really really did get them from Mark's)....
... after seventeen years, these two finally did the paperwork...
... and these two got all princessy for the special day....
... le sigh...
... this weekend, it snowed....
May 30th and it is snowing.
At this point, I do not even know where to direct my complaints. It is at least our second snow "event" (when did weather become an event??) this month and quite frankly speaking, I was over it before it began. Snow, people. Mutha effin' snow.
The tropics aren't even an option anymore. No. They have become all earthquakey and typhoonie and other weather that wants to make you dead.
You have to know its bad out there when my nieces look out the window with a degree of disgust reserved for when they have to scrape dog poo off their sandals.
"Auntie, this is what you mean when you say something sucks a big bag of bo-bo, right"
Actually, Auntie thinks it sucks a bag of dicks.
"That's right sweetie, a big bag of bo-bo. Want some breakfast?"
SUNNY BREAKFAST FOR THREE
Coffee (for Auntie's only)
Mango Papaya Smoothie
Sun Drop Bagels
COFFEE
Disclaimer: I do not receive money or gifts from whateverittakes.org and this picture in no way a promotion. I just really dig the architecture of the cup and what is in it. However, should you be interested in an artwork campaign by public figures from the likes of Ronnie Wood (who designed this particular coffee mug) to Georgio Armani to Desmond Tutu to Renzo Piano, that raises money and awareness for charities all over the world, go here. Click on "Artwork & Product Gallery" to see some really interesting original pieces of art created to raise cash money for causes that help out those who can't always help themselves.
MANGO PAPAYA SMOOTHIE
(You will need a Magic Bullet with a blender attachment for this recipe. A food processor will work as well.)
Ingredients:
1 c. milk (I've used Dairyland Plus 1% Lactose Free Milk cos I like the smoothies but the milk doesn't like me)
1/2 c. Activia vanilla yogurt
1/2 c. frozen mango
1 c. frozen papaya
Method:
-pour the milk and yogurt in the blender and give it a quick blend on the bullet
-add frozen fruit one cube at a time as this will make it easier for the bullet to blend your smoothie
-blend to desired consistency
-pour in cups, add a straw or spoon, get lost in the yummy goodness
SUN DROP BAGELS
(Serves 3)
Ingredients:
3 - 100% whole wheat or whole grain bagels (I've used Dempster's Body Wise 100% Whole Grain bagels... half the calories, all the yum yum)
3 tsp. Philadelphia Low Fat Cream Cheese (95% fat free, we likey)
3 oz. marbled cheddar cheese
Method:
-slice the bagels and toast lightly
-spread one teaspoon (very thinly) on each bagel
-tear the marbled cheddar into bits
-top each bagel with an ounce of the cheddar cheese
-put the bagels on a plate and place in the microwave to melt the cheese
-set your timer for 20 seconds and turn on your microwave
-depending on the strength of your microwave, you may wish to continue melting the cheese; melt in 10 second intervals so you don't scorch the cheese and turn the bagel into a whole wheat piece of rubber
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