You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. ~ Anne Lamott
Showing posts with label secret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secret. Show all posts

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Let Go, Let Be

Because you refuse to answer when called on, because I know you lurk here…

I wanted to be kind and gracious.  I wanted to show that, in every way, I was taking the high road.  And while all of this remains true, I cannot deny that most of me now abhors you and not addressing it feels like part of me is polluted.

There have been a lot of disappointments over the last seven and half years.  I did all I could to stand by you, even when no one else in the world would.

This time, this latest disappointment, was the last one.  This time, you went too far.  The secrets and lies, the abandonment, are more than I can bear.  The emotional, physical, and financial cost was intolerable.  After so long, and so many sacrifices, I have accepted that you never intended to keep the promises you made.  I never thought you would choose to become a coward and a liar.  And after so many years, I can no longer make excuses for you.  The line has been crossed and I am finished wasting the prime of my life on empty promises and broken dreams.

You should know there is someone new in my life.  To be honest, he has been a part of my life for a while.  As soon as I let go of you, there was space for him.  I wish I had let go sooner than I did.  We take it day by day and I no longer feel the pressure to please someone who will never ever be satisfied.  He does not do things that make me weak and insecure.  He does not build me up so he can tear me down.  With him, I am assured, secure, and happy.  Most importantly, he has made it clear to me that I am safe, my happiness matters to him, and that we do not have to rush into making big decisions about our future.

That has been liberating.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Thy Will Be Done

I do not pretend to understand the universe; it will always have its secrets and I will not always be privy to it's inner workings.

Yes, yes, this is me admitting I do not know everything.  Truth is, I know very little.

What I do know is this...

The universe unfolds as it should and neither you nor I can or should try to control that.  Call it destiny, call it fate, call it the path you are on, call it whatever you want, it is all happening as it should.  If you cannot find you way or you lose your way, the mere act of handing yourself over to the universe will grant you resolve.  But beware.  The universe does not always give you what you want but it will give you what you need.  Do not be greedy.  Accept what comes and understand that the universe is serving your best interests.

Don't believe me?  Think this is just more of my zen floating Buddha talk?  Chew on this: three nights ago I found myself at a crossroads with no answers to the questions I was asking myself, literally exasperated with where I was at.  I handed it all over to the universe and simply said, "Thy will be done."

It was done.

Welcome back Captain Celery.  I have missed you.  I have always loved you.

I have also asked the universe to arrange it so that you will never show up anywhere I am dressed in a Borat mankini.  I don't care how sexy your furry nipples are!