Let Go, Let Be

Because you refuse to answer when called on, because I know you lurk here…

I wanted to be kind and gracious.  I wanted to show that, in every way, I was taking the high road.  And while all of this remains true, I cannot deny that most of me now abhors you and not addressing it feels like part of me is polluted.

There have been a lot of disappointments over the last seven and half years.  I did all I could to stand by you, even when no one else in the world would.

This time, this latest disappointment, was the last one.  This time, you went too far.  The secrets and lies, the abandonment, are more than I can bear.  The emotional, physical, and financial cost was intolerable.  After so long, and so many sacrifices, I have accepted that you never intended to keep the promises you made.  I never thought you would choose to become a coward and a liar.  And after so many years, I can no longer make excuses for you.  The line has been crossed and I am finished wasting the prime of my life on empty promises and broken dreams.

You should know there is someone new in my life.  To be honest, he has been a part of my life for a while.  As soon as I let go of you, there was space for him.  I wish I had let go sooner than I did.  We take it day by day and I no longer feel the pressure to please someone who will never ever be satisfied.  He does not do things that make me weak and insecure.  He does not build me up so he can tear me down.  With him, I am assured, secure, and happy.  Most importantly, he has made it clear to me that I am safe, my happiness matters to him, and that we do not have to rush into making big decisions about our future.

That has been liberating.

Ya, What He Said

"But to answer your question I am constantly faced with theories of God, and angels, and hell. It’s everywhere. But unless there is an ounce of credibility to it, I reject [it]. I have to. You can’t lie to yourself. If you do you’ve only fooled a deluded person and where’s the victory in that?" ~ Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais. Atheism. Two of my favorite things.

Go here and here if you care to read words I wish I had wrote about ideas that float around in my head all the damn time.

Random Sauce, Part Two

Bathe regularly. I know there is an article floating around on Yahoo about only showering three to four times a week but they are wrong. Bathe daily. When you smell like ass, we do not think it is cool.

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If you are willing to lie about where you are from or how old you are, there is a good chance you will lie about anything. That makes me not trust you. Do not get all pissy when I call you out on it either. Grow a set and have the fortitude to stand in the middle of who you are and be that person.

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Having gas at work is a challenge. Silent but violent does not always wait for you to get to the warehouse.

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When the I.T. department at your place of employment does not know how to work the email system your entire company is using, you are fucked. So is your I.T. department.

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When you suddenly leave a job after thirty years, it makes me think you did something really sketchy. I am not the only one who thinks this.

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I love the smell of permanent markers. And not those skinny ones either. No. The big ones with the wedge tip. Ahhhh.

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