Parinirvana 2012

Happy Vesak

Blessed

Blessed

When Buddha spoke of attachment, he wasn't saying that it's wrong to have loving feelings toward family and friends -- a common misinterpretation.  Some newcomers to Buddhism have the mistaken idea that they're supposed to become "detached" -- distant and cut off from the world around them so that they can develop in splendid isolation.  In fact, nothing could be further from Buddha's teachings... love and compassion, not detachment and distance, are the authentic Buddhist path. ~ David Michie (from "Buddhism for Busy People")

Thy Will Be Done

I do not pretend to understand the universe; it will always have its secrets and I will not always be privy to it's inner workings.

Yes, yes, this is me admitting I do not know everything.  Truth is, I know very little.

What I do know is this...

The universe unfolds as it should and neither you nor I can or should try to control that.  Call it destiny, call it fate, call it the path you are on, call it whatever you want, it is all happening as it should.  If you cannot find you way or you lose your way, the mere act of handing yourself over to the universe will grant you resolve.  But beware.  The universe does not always give you what you want but it will give you what you need.  Do not be greedy.  Accept what comes and understand that the universe is serving your best interests.

Don't believe me?  Think this is just more of my zen floating Buddha talk?  Chew on this: three nights ago I found myself at a crossroads with no answers to the questions I was asking myself, literally exasperated with where I was at.  I handed it all over to the universe and simply said, "Thy will be done."

It was done.

Welcome back Captain Celery.  I have missed you.  I have always loved you.

I have also asked the universe to arrange it so that you will never show up anywhere I am dressed in a Borat mankini.  I don't care how sexy your furry nipples are!

Magha Puja

From buddhanet buddhanet:

"Magha Puja Day (Fourfold Assembly or "Sangha Day"): Magha Puja Day takes places on the full moon day of the third lunar month (March). This holy day is observed to commemorate an important event in the life of the Buddha. This event occurred early in the Buddha's teaching life.

After the first Rains Retreat (Vassa) at the Deer Park at Sarnath, the Buddha went to Rajagaha city where 1250 Arahats,(Enlightened saints) who were the Buddha's disciples, without prior appointment, returned from their wanderings to pay respect to the Buddha. They assembled in the Veruvana Monastery with the two chief disciples of the Buddha, Ven. Sariputta and Ven. Moggalana.

The assembly is called the Fourfold Assembly because it consisted of four factors: (1) All 1250 were Arahats; (2) All of them were ordained by the Buddha himself; (3) They assembled by themselves without any prior call; (4) It was the full moon day of Magha month (March)."

If you happen to be in Thailand at Wat Phra Dhammakaya, here is some of what you can expect to see at the Light of Peace Ceremony:

Remember, each light is one person.

Ahmayzing.

Nirvana

Parinirvana

Blessed

Do not accept anything simply because it has been said by your teacher, or because it has been written in your sacred book, or because it has been believed by many, or because it has been handed down by your ancestors.


Accept and live only according to what will enable you to see truth face to face.


~ Buddha

Happy New Year

Stay safe, be good, make a wish!

Merry Happy Christmas

Happy Almost Santa Day

Christmas Puked: The Eulogy

I called it.

The sacred wooden Christmas tree was awarded to Service on Friday.

I am not entirely sure their effort was award winning, but it clearly was not Christmas Puked, which I am certain disqualified Corporate from every and any contest being held during the Christmas season.

I already have my plans for a truly tacky Christmas Buddha on the drawing board.  Next year, my workspace is gonna be a Very Neon Buddhist Christmas.  The Office Troll can jump up her own ass if she doesn't like it.  People will flock to rub his belly and delight in the Christmas carols and random chants that play when you tickle his belly button.

I know.  If there was a Buddhist hell, I would be second in command.

It is also worth noting the game of Where's Waldo? died on Friday.

Please excuse me while I gloat.

Christmas Puked On Waldo: A Holiday Love Story

Where's Waldo?

He's at The Office.

Christmas puked on him.  And all over The Office.

It is a little bit my fault.  Kinda.  Sorta.  I just wanted to hide the beige monster.  Who knew it would turn The Office into some seasonal guide on how not to decorate?

First, the back story.

I used to sit in a shitty cubicle on the main hall.  I am now around the corner in an equally shitty mind numbing, spirit crushing cube...

... with a view (and a kettle)...

Above one portion of all the cubes on The Farm is a "cubbie" (which is code for a place to put your shit so we don't have to look at it.).  Behold the beige monster majesty...

There is just no way to hide it.  Unless you wrap it.  Which is exactly what I did my first Christmas with The Company.

Nobody told me that El Presidente was Mr. Christmas Decorator Extraordinaire.  I had no idea what kind of dragon I had poked.  I did not know there were motorized train sets and motion sensitive decorations in his office.  Nobody, NOBODY gave me the damn memo.

Now each department has a $200.00 budget.  It used to be $350.00 but we are in a recession people!  We cannot get new cubes on The Cube Farm, but we have a Christmas decorating budget.  Le sigh.

And a contest.  Did I happen to mention the contest?

Oh la! the contest for the sacred wooden Christmas tree.  It is fierce.

What started as a bit of fun and mocking between me and El Presidente resulted in Whoville last year.  Yes, complete with bent Christmas tree and a ten foot inflatable Grinch.  No, seriously....

Corporate (the Cube Farmers and I) have won the contest for all four years running.  Beat that bitches!  And yes it was four, we've only had the sacred wooden Christmas tree for three.  Suck it losers!

While I would like to say that we are just really creative and love Christmas, the reality is this... it is all about prevention.  You see, we have a co-worker who is an Office Dweller, Possessor Of A Door That Closes And Walls That Go To The Ceiling (noooooo I'm not even a little bit jealous, noooooo) and she has and entire skid of decorations.

Yes, a SKID.  Four feet long, four feet deep, about five feet high.  You do the math.  Uh huh.

All of our creativity is an effort to keep Christmas from puking out of her office into the rest of the corporate offices and The Cube Farm.  It would be okay but the reality is her stuff is dusty, dated, cheap, and smells like old lady crotch.  No, really.  It is some nasty ass funk.

After creating the majesty that was Whoville last year, we are spent, burnt out and this Cube Farmer some of us do not give a shit what the theme is this year as long as it is not "Christmas Puked."

My fellow Buddhist and Cube Farmer neighbour and I suggested an atheist Christmas.  Or clearing the place out and just having a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.  Or having a Very Muslim Christmas with each cube representing an oil rich nation and the manger going in the country that has more desert than oil.

Those drama queens do not have a sense of humour.  Or irony.  Or social commentary.  Or congruence and polarization.

The suggestion of a Very Muslim Christmas went over like a lead balloon even though we were just trying to be all inclusive and give a proper shout out to our Muslim brethren.  Dead air.  Crickets.  No love for that idea.  None.  I had my hopes set high. I wanted to be Libya so I could get my Gaddafi on.  I got the crazy down to a science.

For what it is worth, no matter how far into the depths of hell you cast me, and even though I do not believe in 99% of Christian dogma, I know Baby Jesus was not down with racism.  Surely MC JC (Messiah Cometh, Jesus Christ... use it, don't abuse it) would have delighted in an ironic juxtaposition of multicultural celebration and consumerism.  No?  Well, I do think the Bible is Christian mythology and the whole idea of immaculate conception is a steaming pile of doo-doo, so what do I know?

Sadly, Santa will not be visiting an oil rich Islamic state this year when he comes to The Cube Farm.  Turns out drama queens do not like religious based controversy.  Oh, they will fuck their co-workers in their spare time at work or after work, but they Just.  Say.  No. to intelligent, thought provoking controversy.  Fraidy cats.

Next year, my fellow Buddhist and Cube Farmer neighbour and I are bringing in a huge Buddha with a gigantic Santa hat on his head.  With lights that are synced to chants.  And a candy cane bodhi tree.  And popcorn string malas.  Our side of The Cube Farm is going to be a Very Buddhist Christmas.

So what will Santa be visiting you ask?  Well it is supposed to look like a giant candy cane (it so does not) but it is really a game of Where's Waldo? (it so is).  I know, totally has everything to do with the spirit of Christmas.  Imagine it, the three wise men roll up to the manger... gold, frankincense, myrrh, and a Where's Waldo?  book.  It could have totally happened.  Just on papyrus and in Aramaic.

There will be pictures tomorrow as they were still "striping" the place when I left today.  To be honest, we are just one dry heave away from Christmas puking.  Seriously.

In the mean time, I will be plotting where to hide Waldo the next time I find him.

Hey, I gotta get my kicks from somewhere.  You saw where I sit all day.

For Uncles Who Served, For Al Who Is Still Over There, For A World That Needs Love

Blessing by The Buddha

May every creature abound in well-being and peace.
May every living being, weak or strong, the long and the small
The short and the medium-sized, the mean and the great.
May every living being, seen or unseen, those dwelling far off,
Those near by, those already born, those waiting to be born,
May all attain inward peace.

Let no one deceive another, Let no one despise another in any situation,
Let no one, from antipathy or hatred, wish evil to anyone at all.
Just as a mother, with her own life, protects her only son from hurt,
So within yourself foster a limitless concern for every living creature.


Display a heart of boundless love for all the world,
In all its height and depth and broad extent,
Love unrestrained, without hate or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk, sit or lie, until overcome by drowsiness,
Devote your mind entirely to this, it is known as living here life divine.

Pecan Thumbprint Cookies

I love pecan pie.  The kind of love that makes you want to have the whole pie to yourself and bite the hand off any person who tries to take your pie kind of love.  If you are in Edmonton, Fife and Dekel makes an ahmayzing pecan pie.

And it's pih-caan, not pee-can.  As Emeril Lagasse so eloquently put it, "Pee cans are what truck drivers use."

PECAN THUMBPRINT COOKIES

Makes three dozen cookies.

Cookie Ingredients:

1 c. firmly packed brown sugar (you can use Splenda's brown sugar)

3/4 c. margarine

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp. vanilla

2 c. all purpose flour

Filling Ingredients:

1 c. pecans, chopped

1/2 c. firmly packed brown sugar (again, you can use Splenda's brown sugar)

1/4 c. whipping cream (do not use milk as a substitute)

1 tsp. vanilla

Method:

-preheat the oven to 350 degrees C

-from the cookie ingredients, combine the sugar, margarine, egg, and vanilla in a bowl with high sides

-using a hand mixer, blend these ingredients until they are creamy

-on a low speed, slowly add the flour and baking powder and beat until well mixed

-shape the dough into balls that are about one inch in diameter and place at least two inches apart onto an ungreased cookie sheet

-using your thumb, make an indentation in the centre of the cookie dough, rotating  thumb slightly to create a deep hollow for the filling; be careful not to press all the way down to the cookie sheet

-in a medium sized bowl, combine all the filling ingredients and mix well
-using a teaspoon, fill the hollows in the cookie until they are full but so that the filling slightly rounds out the cookie
-bake the cookies for 8 to 10 minutes or until lightly browned
-let the cookies cool for at least one minute before removing from the cookie sheet; the cookies are very soft when you first take them out of the oven and they need time to firm up
-if you are going to store these cookies, use an air tight container and line with wax paper between layers

Nutritional Information (click to enlarge):

We think we saw the face of Buddha:

OK, maybe not but it looks like a face and I'm not about to start claiming its Jesus!