We are over. It is official. I am ending this relationship today. This is where we get divorced.
For twenty years I have loved you, I have defended you, I have stated that while your prices were high, your quality was beyond reproach. I proclaimed from mountain tops that your scented wax and candle holders were the best there is. And that you smelled like yummy goodness. And I do not just go around calling things yummy or good.
For the last 18 months I have pondered my affinity for you. It has not been easy. You have become even more expensive and increasingly styleless...
There was a time when your scents were amazing and a small votive could fill a room with the smell of yummy goodness. Now you smell like wax. Wax flavoured wax. Which is neither yummy or good.
Your wicks are off centred and you burn badly because of it. There is sooting on my roof because of it. Who are you to make me get on a ladder to wash my roof?
And this consultant that sells you to me, even though I have always known she is a crazy bitch, she has crossed the line. She demands that I start to sell you. I do not want to sell you, I want to own you. I do not want to hear about her super crazy dramatic divorce or have her taking even crazier and more dramatic calls from her kids at my house when she is supposed to be there selling you to me. That is supposed to be our time. Not her time for divorce drama and pyramid schemes.
Partylite, I cannot make excuses for you any more.
We are done.
Over.
Through.
